I have written about milestones and approaching turning points in your life before this post. As we all approach moments worth noting, times in our life that mark a change, or chapters that close so that others may open, it would be foolish to believe that this isn't something that affects most everyone.
Transition. We all do it, but what is it? How do we define it? Or does it define us? Is that a choice we make or is it one that is made for us? Is it predestined? And why, if it is only and truly a 'moment' does it have the power to affect us so greatly?
I'm turning 30 this year. It's a 'big one' by many people's standards, or at least 'big' by their perceived realities. I'm not sure how universal that belief is, but it seems to be a prevalent thought in the US that 30th birthday parties should be large celebrations - party worthy - and on a grand scale. I a-liken it to a small reception or shower of some kind. Many throw bashes or invite friends on getaways to mark the special nature of moving from one decade to the next. Others take it as a time to reflect and really gather their thoughts around where they've been and where they're heading. I'm finding I fall into the latter category, despite having decided to treat myself to a spa appointment at the Waldorf Astoria as my birthday present (do I get to say "to myself" when my husbands's paying for it only by thought and actually we are paying for it by joint credit card for point purposes??? But that's neither here nor there...)
Anyway. Last night we celebrated a friend's 30th, which was hosted by her former boss in the city, and it was beautifully done. The caterer and bar service were all top-notch, and it was clear how much my friend is loved by so many. Still, I wonder, despite the glitz and the glam, is there happiness inside her or angst? Indifference and platitude or fear and hope for what's to come? And what creates that? Is it the wonderment around wanting to know how much of what we do is actually something we ordain or that which is ordained for us? Does having any emotional sentiment around such milestones even make sense or are we just wasting our time? The closer we get to my birthday the more I wonder, not because I'm wrought with the fear of changing decades, but I wonder if all I have accomplished in the last decade means anything. Did what I do impact anyone in a positive way? Is what I'm going to do for the next decade going to? Am I helping people or just surviving, passing unnoticed from one day to the next, until I turn 40 and come back to the same spot to wonder if I made a difference or if I simply existed? And am I putting too much effort into wondering any of that or is it important and smart to reflect, needed in fact, to move one's life into the directly it could go?
...or....does it even matter? Alas, I fear we shall just have to see as we cross our own versions of those thresholds ourselves.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Milestones
I started thinking about it the other day. Milestones, such as birthdays, mark changing stages of our lives. This year I turn 30, and it has been only recently that I have truly begun pondering the significance of that and understanding why so many people irk at the notion of the approaching changing decade.
For me, and I know that I may be the minority, I have always felt 30. My mother used to jokingly call me a 30 year-old trapped in an (enter age here) body. It became extremely prevalent in my teenage years, but as I climbed through my twenties I felt myself growing into my skin. I felt myself becoming the person I had always felt inside, and as I approach 30 I feel like I'm reaching the pinnacle. Post 30, I'm not sure what to expect, and in that I understand the way others felt about 30.
However, looking back, I believe one of the greatest learning point I can give is that action mitigates regret. If you are reaching a milestone in your life and feeling uneasy about it, take inventory. What have you done that you are proud of? What have you done that 'scared' you or forced you to stretch as a person? What did you not do that you had wished you had done?
Anything falling into the last category? Take those first. Make them a priority. Plan out your next 1-3 years and find a way to include it. Maybe it's a trip you keep wishing you could take. Maybe it's saving a little more thank you are (or for the first time!). Maybe it's spending time with people you've neglected or put on the back burner because you felt other priorities needed your attention. Start planning. Carve out a way to save a few bucks and move things around so you can see those people. The more you 'do', the more you see yourself as an active participant in your life, the less you regret, and the more the milestones become celebrations of your life and its accomplishments instead of looming dates served with a side of dread.
And why do we take the time to do these things? Because we're worth the effort.
For me, and I know that I may be the minority, I have always felt 30. My mother used to jokingly call me a 30 year-old trapped in an (enter age here) body. It became extremely prevalent in my teenage years, but as I climbed through my twenties I felt myself growing into my skin. I felt myself becoming the person I had always felt inside, and as I approach 30 I feel like I'm reaching the pinnacle. Post 30, I'm not sure what to expect, and in that I understand the way others felt about 30.
However, looking back, I believe one of the greatest learning point I can give is that action mitigates regret. If you are reaching a milestone in your life and feeling uneasy about it, take inventory. What have you done that you are proud of? What have you done that 'scared' you or forced you to stretch as a person? What did you not do that you had wished you had done?
Anything falling into the last category? Take those first. Make them a priority. Plan out your next 1-3 years and find a way to include it. Maybe it's a trip you keep wishing you could take. Maybe it's saving a little more thank you are (or for the first time!). Maybe it's spending time with people you've neglected or put on the back burner because you felt other priorities needed your attention. Start planning. Carve out a way to save a few bucks and move things around so you can see those people. The more you 'do', the more you see yourself as an active participant in your life, the less you regret, and the more the milestones become celebrations of your life and its accomplishments instead of looming dates served with a side of dread.
And why do we take the time to do these things? Because we're worth the effort.
Monday, May 11, 2015
The Art of Patience
I just started (well, finished I guess is probably a better description!) watching "Marco Polo" 3 days ago on Netflix. Happily, I'll say that Netflix is doing a rather decent job creating TV shows/series that are intriguing and well filmed. Marco Polo has been extremely enjoyable!
It's interesting to watch culture set in a different time and place from my own. I find it fascinating, and understanding how people thought and reacted is always a great juxtaposition to today. In fact, it's a rather great reminder of something that has begun to be found in increasingly short supply today: Patience.
There was one part in the show where one character is talking to another specifically on the subject, and if one could just be patient, forgo the temptations of the "easy" and "convenient", the true path/the reason for what you do will present itself and become clear. It is in haste that incorrect decisions are made.
This also followed immediately behind a night of watching Kung Fu Panda in which Master Shifu definitely struggles with this concept. Thusly, it became two nights of a reminder of the importance of patience.
And this is all extremely important because I have very little. My mother-in-law dubbed me a "doer" a long time ago and it's true. I don't sit idly very well, and I find things to do and occupy my time so as to keep sharp, alert, and well-learned. Now, while these qualities aren't bad, the need to consistently "progress" can become a hindrance when the truth is one has very little control over much of the things in life. Especially the things revolving around someone else's life.
My husband has recently begun discussing looking for a new job. While he is at a loss for the specifics of what he wants to do or where he would like to work, the minute he told me he had been toying with the idea for some time my mind went to work. I started Googling companies and jobs, sending him things in email and forwarding posts I would find. In my head I had a whole system and plan laid out. However, I'm not my husband. We don't think the same way in this area of our lives, and he prefers to take his time and consider all angles, not rushing anything until his internal clock has "dinged", if you will, signaling it is time for him to put in the effort and make the change. So far it's served him well, and that is part of why he excels where he does. However, it is 100% counter-intuitive to how I react. Therefore, I have come to battle my inner patience much in the last few weeks.
As a result, the movie and series reminders of the need to revel in quiet and reflection, that patience endures and often prologues accomplishment was needed. I truly believe we live in a world that touts patience and rewards instant everything, and that directly counters all of how humans have built what they've built up 'til now.
So, I submit to what life is clearly working to teach me: better patience. And, in the glorified works of the Panda, Po, "Inner peace".
It's interesting to watch culture set in a different time and place from my own. I find it fascinating, and understanding how people thought and reacted is always a great juxtaposition to today. In fact, it's a rather great reminder of something that has begun to be found in increasingly short supply today: Patience.
There was one part in the show where one character is talking to another specifically on the subject, and if one could just be patient, forgo the temptations of the "easy" and "convenient", the true path/the reason for what you do will present itself and become clear. It is in haste that incorrect decisions are made.
This also followed immediately behind a night of watching Kung Fu Panda in which Master Shifu definitely struggles with this concept. Thusly, it became two nights of a reminder of the importance of patience.
And this is all extremely important because I have very little. My mother-in-law dubbed me a "doer" a long time ago and it's true. I don't sit idly very well, and I find things to do and occupy my time so as to keep sharp, alert, and well-learned. Now, while these qualities aren't bad, the need to consistently "progress" can become a hindrance when the truth is one has very little control over much of the things in life. Especially the things revolving around someone else's life.
My husband has recently begun discussing looking for a new job. While he is at a loss for the specifics of what he wants to do or where he would like to work, the minute he told me he had been toying with the idea for some time my mind went to work. I started Googling companies and jobs, sending him things in email and forwarding posts I would find. In my head I had a whole system and plan laid out. However, I'm not my husband. We don't think the same way in this area of our lives, and he prefers to take his time and consider all angles, not rushing anything until his internal clock has "dinged", if you will, signaling it is time for him to put in the effort and make the change. So far it's served him well, and that is part of why he excels where he does. However, it is 100% counter-intuitive to how I react. Therefore, I have come to battle my inner patience much in the last few weeks.
As a result, the movie and series reminders of the need to revel in quiet and reflection, that patience endures and often prologues accomplishment was needed. I truly believe we live in a world that touts patience and rewards instant everything, and that directly counters all of how humans have built what they've built up 'til now.
So, I submit to what life is clearly working to teach me: better patience. And, in the glorified works of the Panda, Po, "Inner peace".
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