Permanent Lines

 The holidays have come and as we continue to move through them, like many of the mountain of movies depicting the season suggests, many of us find ourselves facing them with some mixture of joy, happiness, loneliness, and, yes, even dread.

You see, the holidays come in like a two sided coin - one the one side is the excitement and joy, wonder and merriment that permeates the air and fills the every-wind with hopefulness, the idea that all that is good in us and others will take flight.  The other side is worry and fear, sadness and dread.  This side rumbles with the echoes that remind us that this year, like all the ones prior and since that fateful year, will never be enough.  The reason that the holidays change from unencumbered happiness to a two-sided coin is different for everyone.  Sometimes its a trigger, and sometimes it's a gradual shift in the landscape of holiday experiences.

What doesn't change are the permanent and dotted lines that connect us.  Someone explained to me the other day that it was hard for her to see her husband so sad at the holidays, but not surprising since he had lost his mother and his father wasn't in the best of health.  She said she had tried to explain to him that she was there and that they had lots of friends and her family to rely on, but I found myself full of empathy, suddenly explaining to her all the "others" were mere dotted line attachments to him and that the change in his permanent line attachments means that the holidays are never quite the same.  

You see, you only have a few permanent lines in your life - your mother and father (or mothers or fathers, perhaps), your siblings, and your children.  Spouses, relatives, friends...those are all dotted lines.  They have their own permanent attachments, and permanent attachments cannot be replaced, and the expectation is that they come first.  What causes the reality of the two sided coin is when the permanent lines in your life start disappearing, or the expectation of equal weight on both ends of the lines shift.  Permanency doesn't equate priority or equality, and that also gives heaviness to the shadowed side of the coin.

All this to say that emotions are complex, and they fill the holidays like one fills a bucket.  Some buckets are larger, some are smaller.  Some flexible, some rigid.  Some can expand, and some have holes.  We shouldn't be surprised by the manifestation of both sides of our coins at these times of years, or how facing them and our permanent lines can fill or drain our bucket.  Instead, we should appreciate them, treat them with grace, and remember to spend time with those connected to us with permanent lines because it's important to remind each other that we matter.

Dotted lines, too.

Wishing you the best of the rest of 2020.

The Humming of Stuck Tunes

 I don't know about you all, but I find that I regularly (and I really do mean regularly) have songs stuck in my head.  As luck would have it, the parts stuck in my head are more like 4-counts, or 8-counts, and on the rare occasion, and entire chorus.  More often than not, though, it is the same one or two lines repeating themselves over and over (...and over!) again on a loop.

And if that weren't enough, these symphonic one liners often arrive the moment I awaken.  I open my eyes and the melodic dancing of a few select notes starts piping itself loudly through my conscious mind.  

Today's "ode" of choice?  "Hail Holy Queen" from Sister Act.  I actually didn't know the name of it until I looked it up, but after watching the movie this weekend on TV, I found myself opening my eyes and the tape-recorder in my head immediately blaring "Oh-Oh-Oh Oooooh, Maaaariiiiiiia.  Mother of mercy and of Love/ Wah-Oh-Oh Oooooh Maaaariiiiiiia."  And then randomly I would get "Saaaaalve, Saaaaaalve, Salve Regina".

At least I like the song.  But we are now going on 8 hours of "Wah-oh-oh" popping in my head on a near 30-second loop.

I think it's about time I pulled it up on YouTube to try to give it the space it seems to demand so it might graciously clear out.

With luck, I'll have a new song tomorrow.

Mmmm Pot Roast

 Ok, so admittedly, it has officially been forever since I cooked a pot roast.  Why?  Mostly because I kept trying to cook it on a high heat quickly, and it always ended up chewy and tough.

Then I remembered my mom had this wonderful recipe, and it was our favorite meal growing up, so I dug into my mom's old recipe notes and found it.  

Ready for a truly delicious Pot Roast?  Want something that is more or less "set it and forget it" and still incredibly delicious?  Here you go!  Pot Roast a la Betsy!

1 Pot Roast (i usually pick 3-4 pounds, but there are only 2 of us)

1 canned condensed mushroom soup (though I'm sure regular soup would also work)

1 package French Onion Dip (if you don't have that, dried onion seasoning will work just fine, too!)

Combine all ingredients.  Make sure the soup and seasoning are evenly dispersed.  Wrap  / Cover in foil.

Set oven to 325 and cook for 3-4 hours (Depending on the size of the roast)

ENJOY!

An Open Letter to Change Presidential Debate Structure

 Dear CPD (Committee of Presidential Debates),

2020 has provided so many insights, challenges, and opportunities.  The presidential debate is another shining example, and in this open letter, I implore you to please consider changing the presidential debate structure beginning in 2024.  The American people deserve great candidates, and while you have no control over the candidates that are nominated, you do control the way they are presented in the debate structure.  As such, we implore you to drive a process and environment that minimizes sensationalism and gets back to focusing on the key issues:  Truth and Integrity.  Leadership and Ability.

How do you change a presidential debate to be more effective?  Here is my proposal:

Move to a 2-pronged structure, which is actually 3 "events".

• Prong #1 is "event" 1 and 2.  Event 1 is candidate A and Event 2 is candidate B.
• Candidates are pre-recorded answering a prescribed set of questions on camera in an interview format
• The event is 30 minutes long
• Between recording an air-time, fact-checkers work to check all the facts / statements made in the interview
• The interviews are aired back-to-back in a one-hour segment (i.e. two 30-min segments)
• As the interview continues, every time a statement was fact-checked, there is a sticker displayed on the screen.  It displays a Check or an X based on if the statement is accurate or false.  It also displays the Fact Check # so viewers can research later if they so choose.
• At the end of each contestant's segment, a total tally of "Checks" or "Xs" is displayed so the viewer can see a quick-glimpse of the candidate's ability to relay truth and fact in their session (or not).
• Prong #2 is "event" 3.
• This is a live debate
• It is only an hour
• it is on any key issues highlighted in the 30-min segments or other pressing matters that have arisen since those were tapped and thusly aired.
• When a candidate's time is up, their microphone is turned off.  Any candidate who cannot meet the guidelines or stick to the rules will be asked to leave until the next question is introduced.

The country continues to pull itself further and further into a divide, and so much of that stems from a lack of listening, empathy, and agreement that debate is not only healthy, but can be done with civility.  The presidential candidates and those who drive and control the debates help set that tone, and we, the American people, deserve more than sound bites and hyped-up sensationalism.  

And the best part?  These things are things you can control.  We implore you to do so.

Sincerely,

A Concerned American

Tea (and Spices) Please!

We made a quick trip to Hilton Head Island recently.  Because of Covid and despite the island saying that masks were mandatory (and literally no one anywhere wore them, unless in a store...and even then it was questionable), we didn't do much shopping or eating out or perusing.  We would have liked to and probably will in a post-Covid / future trip, but one stop we did make is worth sharing.

If you haven't yet been, a stop at the Spice and Tea store in Sea Pines on Hilton Head Island IS A MUST!  We spent almost $200 on spices, candles, and bags and bags of tea, and it has all been one-million percent worth it.

Some of our favorites?  Toasted S'mores black tea, Hazelnut black tea, Mystic Dragon green tea, Key Lime green tea, the pumpkin-spice candle, and the fiesta spices (for tacos and stuff).  I could go on and on, but if you love tea and spices or are curious to try some, try from the best!

PS - if you have any other flavor recommendations from this store, feel free to list them!  Happy tea time to all!

The Future of Education

 COVID-19 has created this new reality, literally thrusting us toward facing the things we consider normal to determine if they are, in fact, so and continue to be so.

One of those things is education.  Granted, I have some very strong opinions on the matter, but I'm not here to rant or rave or pull you onto one side or the other.  I'm simply here to state a few things that seem to genuinely need considering.

(1) If the world is becoming more digital and more global in how it connects and from where things can be done, why is education still so behind in this facet?  

(2) Higher education does not only mean college.  Labor forces, trades, and other skilled crafts are in just as much demand as they were in the past.  When your AC breaks, you still need someone who knows what they're doing.  If you're building a house or repairing plumbing, you still need a skilled plumber.  Just because the world is becoming more tech-heavy doesn't mean jobs don't exist in the skilled labor trade, and the lack of awareness and emphasis on these wonderful fields and careers has to be considered.  Diversity in skill is still important.

(3) Loans.  I know there is a lot of talk right now about wiping out loans.  As someone who has them, does the idea tantalize my spidy-senses in the hopes that maybe I'll be free from that debt?  Sure.  But i also know i actively chose to have that debt.  Choice is choice.  What's not choice is the debt demanding 6.5% or more in interest.  When you consider wiping out debt, how far back do you go?  And how far forward?  But if you reconsider the interest at which the debt is paid (say, maybe 1%, or 1/2% or whatever) the lender still makes a profit and the solution is scalable.

It's a conundrum I find exists in so many facets of the world - the view is on the band-aid fix and not the scalable opportunity.  Often it may come down to effort, cost, and timeline, but it's unfortunate so many discussions seem to shy away from effort, like effort or work is somehow the culprit or the deterrent.  

"Nothing worth doing is easy" or "if it were easy, everyone would do it", and yet, Easy seems to be the only thing in focus.  And while I have theories on why that may be, it is disheartening to think that seems to have become the new norm.  I have hope we can be better.

Get Your Inspiration on Fridays

Recently launched:  the Fearless Friday Quote blogsite!

https://fearlessfridayquotes.truthsc.com/

Save and come back in for new quotes to round out your week and jumpstart your weekend!

Compliments to Home Depot

Tonight I was thankful to be a girl, and a helpless one at that.  And that is not something I say often.

I ran to Home Depot late this afternoon, because it's the closets to my home.  I have vegetable and herb plants that need repotting, and I had kept them alive close to a month in the pots they came in (which was my personal test, since I do not have an innate green thumb), and realized they deserved a replant.

So I went to Home Depot to pick up the things I would need:  soil.  I ended up buying a handful of other herbs because, clearly I'm the master at gardening now that I've kept 3 veggie plants alive for 4 weeks (insert awkward silence here).

And when I got home, I took the 5 bags of soil to the backyard, took the new planters that had arrived that morning, took out the plants from their existing pot, opened the bag of soil....
.
.
.
.
.
....and realized that it was plant FOOD, not potting soil.

So my husband help me load the 4 unopened bags of plant food back in the car, and I raced back to Home Depot.

Unfortunately, I arrived 6 minutes after closing, and as I loaded the soil onto the cart from my car, I saw them locking the doors.  I ran to the door, pushing my cart, and knocked and waved at the people I could see, but no one moved towards the door. 

And then I started crying.  No.  Balling.  Right there at the door.  I was so incredibly embarrassed by my mistaking plant food for soil, and suddenly acutely aware of all the plants in my backyard lying on the concrete that wouldn't get replanted, and would probably die as a result.

About 60 seconds later - I was still standing at the door, balling, looking around for help - that someone opened the door and asked what was wrong.  I blurted out my story (between heavy sobbing) and they were kind enough to let me in, allow me to exchange my 4 bags of plant food for actual soil, and help me back to my car.

I did stop crying by the time I was back at my car, but the embarrassment still clung to my face.

Overall - my sincerest and greatest appreciation for you, the workers at Home Depot.  Not only are you there every day despite this crazy invisible foe, helping us with our at-home needs, but you saved my plants, my sanity, and my entire sense of what I can accomplish, should these plants continue to live now that they were successfully repotted.

Thank you.

Some Vegan Delights

Still in shelter in place and/or tired of the same ole-same old when it comes to the food you've been eating?

Here are some delicious alternatives!  They are both Vegan, but whether you're vegan or not, they're absolutely delightful.

(1) Nut-Butter Bread (also called Peanut Butter or Depression Bread). 
You can make with other kinds of Nut Butters, even though the recipe says Peanut.  We did ours with Nutzo and Sunflower Seed bread and it was soooo good.

• Note, this is not a sweet bread.  If you want it sweeter, add more sugar.  It is, however, dense, and has similar consistency to banana bread.

(2) Pan Fried Tofu.

It's easy enough:  Tofu, cut into small pieces.  

Then put the pieces in a large ziplock bag and add cornstarch. 

Roll around until well coated.  

Then add the tofu (and any chosen veggies) to a hot skillet that has good amount of oil (we use Sesame) already in it.

While frying, add in Soy Sauce (to your taste preference)

Once the first side of the tofu is fried and crispy, flip with a spatula.  AT THIS POINT, add in a packet of French Onion mix, and fry it up with the tofu and veggies

(You may have to add more oil half way through to keep the tofu frying and to get it crispy).

Once cooked, enjoy!  The flavor punch is so worth it!

Rich and Hearty Pan-Fried Ground Beef

Want a great way to add some depth to your ground beef?  Planning on using it in a sauce or a topping for something?

Instead of just frying up the ground beef in a pan, add about 1/2-1c Parmesan Cheese and a splash of half-and-half (you can always add more for a creamy sauce later), and a splash or two of soy sauce. And that's per 1 lb of meat.

It doesn't look much different when you're done cooking it, but wholly bananas - it is FANTASTIC!

Add veggies of your choosing.  This time I did peas and onions.

Happy Quarantine Dining!

The Faux Pantry Panic

I am here to tell you - the panic is real.  If you've had any panics over your depleted pantry or fridge stock, you are not alone. 

And the crazier thing is that I've never had more food in the house.  But because of that, I also notice when the stock go down.  Even though the lessened stock still equals more than our normal "at home" food pile, noticing the visual empty spaces left behind as we start to go through the food has induced genuine panic.  I try to convince myself it's 'faux' panic, because we're not actually going to be out of food any time soon, but they hit like a real and mild panic attack.

I started making lists of what I would make for dinner when, to help me visualize how much food we actually have, and track the depletion and progress, thus marking when I would need to go back to the store.  It has helped, so I recommend it if anyone else finds themself in a similar position as me.

B-free but I still binge

Ok, so, this whole shelter in place thing is phenomenal.

...except for this liiiiiitttle tiny thing called: OMG I’m in recovery from bulimia and sometimes this is SO NOT OK.

I just ate a whole bowl of chips (I.e. 1/4 of a big bag) and dipped them all in French onion dip.  And that was after breakfast, chocolate, and two bowls of bacon Mac and cheese at 1130 and 2.  And the chips were at 445pm.  They weren’t dinner.  Nope.  Nope nope.  I’ll probs still eat later.    They just were.

Delicious.

Oh.  And that’s B.  He’s the manifestation of my addiction.  I’ve been in recovery from him for 10 years.  It’s a lot like AA except there are no groups for recovering bulimics.  We don’t have sponsors.  Somehow we have to do this ourselves.  Or with God.  Or a therapist.  Or alone.  You know.  Whatever.

But I digress.  The whole point of this was that sometimes being in the house when a craving hits IS F*ING HARD.  Because I still binge.  I may not give into B anymore and vomit...but the binges still hit.  I just hate myself less when they do and have found how to be successful and healthy the rest of the time.

But it’s ha-ha-haaaaard.  I want more chips. And I want to not be a fat whale.

Shamuuuuu.

Ugh.  Shut up, B.

Anyway, one of my tricks is that when I do binge, once I put it away that’s it.  I allow myself to eat as much as I want (enter waves of self-imposed judgement here) while I’m binging.  And then I put it away.  And I do berate myself for having no self control as I’m putting it away.  But after that, I don’t continue scold myself for the binge.  I try to, but I work to stop myself.  Over the years of being B-free I have learned that my body’s cravings (genuine cravings) are because they want something and over time I will balance myself out...so I try to remind myself it will right itself eventually.

And that no, I will not gain 300 pounds by tomorrow.

And now that I’m in quarantine....sometimes my stress and anxiety skyrocket, and I grab for anything within reach.  So now I also go for a lot of around the block walks.  The exercise is good for me, good for my brain / mental health, a good reminder that in this time of pandemic crisis the fact that I am healthy overall is the greatest gift...and - let’s be real - it makes me feel like my binges won’t be as disastrous as they feels in the moment.

So to all you “recoverees” out there, whether you are starting your recovery or, like me, years free, remember you are (1) beautiful, (2) healthy - which counts for 100% of everything right now! - and (3) never going to end up 300 pounds heavier tomorrow or this week, even if you did succumb to an unwelcome binge.  You will be ok, and you are worth the work to get better.

My name is Stephanie and I am 10 years B-free.

Keep Your "Shelter-in-Place" Days Interesting

Starting to have the "at-home" boredom blues?  Here's a great thought for reinvigorating your household's daily excitement.  Do you remember "Spirit Weeks" from your days in school?  I move to reintroduce those at home!

Spirit Week Ideas for you and the kids at home.  Find ways to dress up, make at-home crafts in the theme, share pictures / videos with each other and on your social media feeds to share the joy!

Monday:  Super-hero day
Tuesday:  Personal Idol day
Wednesday:  *School color day*
Thursday:  Monochrome day
Friday:  Favorite Holiday day

Share how you and your families enjoyed making the most of At-Home Spirit Week!

Stay Safe and Stay Connected

To all working through Covid-19:  thoughts and prayers are with you.  Please keep yourselves and your families safe, stay distanced, and don't go out if you don't have to.

But just because you're home doesn't mean you can't stay connected.  FaceTime and Google Duo are great ways to stay connected and actually see one another (1-1 or as a group), and remind your friends and family how much you love them.

Doodling Fun

Finding a hobby is always rewarding.  For many, hobbies are discovered during their youth as an outlet for energy or creativity.  But what happens when we grow up?  If you’re like me, you’ve found you’ve lost some of your hobbies due to time and monetary demands.

Well, this weekend i rekindled with one: drawing.  I was writing a story and it made me think of how cute the character would be when sketched.  So I went out, grabbed a sketch book, and returned home to start doodling.  And what fun it was!  Rewarding, imaginative, invigorating.  I highly recommend reconnecting with an old hobby-flame if the spark has maybe run a bit cold.  It’s good for the soul, and you may just find yourself smiling a little more, too.

A Movie Pick Me Up

It’s official.  If you’re having a down-and-out kind of day, the best way to pick yourself back up and feel good about the world again is to watch Rudy.

That is all.

Prepping for 2020

Happy New Year everyone!  A few things learned to help you prepare for a spectacular 2020:

• Sign all paperwork the long way - 2020 - and not the short way - 20 - because "20" is too easy to forge into another year like 2017, 2018, etc.

• Take inventory of what house work / improvements you need done for the year and the estimated cost.  Keeping your house in order, just like a car, helps keep its longevity so it works for you.  Skimping on repairs and maintenance only hurts you in the long run.  Find out how much you'll need for the work you know you'll need to do and start working to put it away.

• Have a pet?  Have a pet fund.  Just like kids, your pets need vet checkups, toys, outings, and other mental stimulation activities to keep them happy and healthy.  Be sure you have a fund set aside to do just that.

• Pick 1-2 health goals so you stick to it.  Instead of specifics like "work out exactly 45 min 3x a week" keep it broader to "work out multiple times a week," or "go on a diet" to "eat foods that are good for me" or "eat whole foods."  It'll allow for life flexibility and for you to be able to positively praise yourself for staying 'on goal' instead of berating yourself later for "not sticking to it".

• Plan for pauses in life.  I read somewhere once (can't remember where now) that to help maintain life balance and sanity, this family started implementing the "1 a ____" rule.  1 hour a day just for yourself, 1 day a week to do something just for you, 1 weekend a month with no plans (tell everyone you're already "busy" and just "do you" instead), 1 week a quarter with no plays (maybe a vacation or staycation).  It helps bring about needed pauses to life and recenter yourself.  We've been doing it for years now, and it absolutely works.  For those weeks when you start to feel overwhelmed you can say "just two more weeks until I have absolutely nothing to do for the weekend".

Happy 2020!