Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Privvy to Language

If anyone's ever tried learning a language, you will know it takes work.  And that's okay.  In fact, it's more than okay, it's what should be expected.

Why?

Think about a little child you know that either is currently learning a language or learned one.  How long did it take for that child to start to say words?  Form sentences?  Pronounce things correctly? And really become fluent?  One day?  (absolutely!) No.  A long time.  In fact, it's rather an ongoing process to truly cultivate great language skills.  And the best way to do it is to listen, try, and repeat.

So, then, why do so many place treat it like a literature class?  A student I know came back the other day from Spanish 1 with 3 vocab sheets and a quiz in 5 days.  That, to me, just didn't make any sense.  Spanish students I've ever taught start with the basics:  alphabet and numbers.  Then weather and colors.  No sentences, just words.  Why?  Because that's how we learn as a child.  We get good at the words and then learn to string them together.  The advantage to being older when learning language is that you already know how to string them together.  You just need the grammar principals behind the structure.  But how great to suddenly have an arsenal of words at your disposal?!  You feel capable, empowered, able to at least get by because you can identify and describe the things you need, even if not in perfect sentence form.

Then we learn verbs and sentence structure!  Quickly enough, granted, but not in the first 3 weeks and not 3-5 vocab sheets full of words.  We learn them in stages with lots of practice!

And even more important:  PRONUNCIATION PRACTICE!  It's language!  You need to learn to speak with with some competence!  Don't be afraid to be corrected, either, just like you weren't afraid when your parents corrected the way you said a word when you were learning.  It's natural and normal, and a great show of character and determination when you acknowledge the linguistic challenges associated with languages!

So here's to your success and those around you!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Thursday, August 22, 2013

In Check

Do you ever have those moments, where you have someone really "check" your reality for you?  That was my fiancé's job tonight for me.  I didn't realize that was going to be his job, but it was, and I have to admit, looking back, he did a really good job.

I like throwing myself little pity parties.  I do.  Although I don't always realize I'm throwing myself one until I'm in it or it's passed and I have a chance to reflect on what happened.  Why do I do this?  Great question. it's left over from my growing up and a remnant of my past issues in how I handled stress.  I bottle.  Do you bottle?  I bottle.  And I don't realize I bottle until all the little tiny things that didn't feel like a big deal suddenly burst out in a jet stream of carbonized liquid (think champagne popping or soda gushing out of a shaken can).  That's when I realize I've been bottling. 

And that's when the party starts!  Chips and dip anyone?

What usually happens is I sit or curl into a ball and try to think through and process all the stress, which usually leads to more stress, and that leads to crying and feeling overwhelmed and ending up in a big, messed up heap, where I need to talk and talk and talk and talk about how I'm feeling and why things have suddenly spiraled, and why I'm crying, and how could I let it get to this point? and why didn't I see this coming? and how do I handle it from here? and why didn't I fix it before? and...


*phew* It's EXHAUSTING!

And that's how tonight's started.  Except, this time, as I was explaining (yes, explaining, not yet crying) my fears to my fiancé he wasn't game.  He didn't even do the lovely and much needed "I Understand" before trying to refute my claim and explain the holes in my logic.  He just went into "Mr. Fix-it" mode and blew right through all the cracks in my thinking.  Needless to say, I wasn't a fan.  However, after about 7 or 8 go-arounds of him being like "did I understand that correctly?" and "what else is there?" and me grumpily saying"  "yes" and "nothing," we finally arrived at the "I'm just being negative" station.  And, according to him, I was not allowed to stay parked long.  He went into all this stuff about how you're not a negative person until all these little inconsequential things build up to a point where you become über negative and it's not cool, and half the stuff you're worried about anyway is either in the future, which means you can't worry about it because it hasn't happened, or it's in th past, which means you shouldn't worry about it because you can't do anything to change the event now.

And this time I finally listened.  Admittedly, I didn't want to, but I also really didn't want to be upset!  Seriously!  Who actually enjoys being upset? Totally a waste of energy, and so I sat and listened and reflected and realized that he was dead right and I was being dumb.  I was being unfair to myself, untrue to my normally natural state, and unnecessarily worried with no reason to be, because the present (absolute present) moment was going along pretty damn well if you asked him.  And, you know what?  He was right.  Right then I switched and slammed the door on my pity party and felt instantly better.  I recommend trying it.  Great feeling!

So no more invitations, and no more pity parties.  Present moment.  That's it.  Plan for the future, appreciate the past, but focus on the now because that's all that matters, and if the "worry" isn't immediately in the moment, it's not worth the worry.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Back to Basics - Dinner

Tonight I decided to go back to what I'm good at:  Italian.

I returned home from errands today and was nothing short of starved, and the kind where you feel like you're going to eat your own face if you don't get food fast!  Yes, that kind of starved!  I at a spoonful of PB and honey (don't knock it 'til you try it!  Super sweet and super filling!) and continued on to making dinner, which I knew would take an hour to prepare.

On the menu?  Rice and veggies.
The challenge?  Making a rice dish my fiancé will eat without complaining.  As of late, he claims my rice is off it's game and want me to go back to making it the "good" way.  Problem is, I don't remember now what the "good" way is, as I have tried to recreate my favorite Asian inspired flavors to absolutely no avail.  And more like negative avail.

He's been a good sport though.  He complains a bit, throws a bunch more sauce on, and eats it anyways.  But I wanted to redeem myself, mostly because I'm tired of the complaining....but even more honestly because I agree with him!

So off to the rice I went.  And here's what I did.

Want a more al dente rice?  "toast" it first.  Fry it up in a frying pan with olive oil on med/high for a few minutes, coating it in the olive oil.  It'll sear up the outside so that when it cooks it has a more of an individualized texture than an sticky one.

Then I threw it in the water.  I added a baby slice of avocado, a spoonful of pesto (from TJ's, even though, again, it has a little cheese in it, but it's gluten free!  Don't have pesto?  Fresh basil is preferable but dried is okay, you'll just need a bunch, and garlic!)  I also added a G-free Vegan "chicken" bouillon, garlic, oregano, and pepper.  I have learned to be generous with my spices as it takes more than you think to taste the spices when you're dealing with rice!
I also added in some of the juice from the bottle of garlic mushrooms from TJ's for acidity and more garlic.

Now veggies:
Celery, red pepper, eggplant, and almonds (not a veggie.  yes, I know)
Sliced and in a skillet with Olive Oil, garlic, oregano, black pepper, red pepper flakes (will make it spicy, so easy on these guys if you don't like heat!!), kalamata olives, green olives and a dash of the green olive juice for acidity (same idea as a dirty martini).  Let those cook on low until they're cooked but still crunchy (celery at least!)

Side dish:  Tempeh bacon.  5 slices, olive oil and pepper.  Fry up until golden brown on each side.

Once cooked.  Serve.  YUM yum!

Monday, August 19, 2013

G Free Vegan Night

If you didn't know (or if I haven't made it clear yet) my fiancé and I are Vegan and I am also Gluten-Free.  So, we are often looking to make the clean, delicious veggies and carbs flavorful and unique, because we don't switch our "meats" to change things up.  We just have to, well, change things up.

So, on tonight's menu:
Bruschetta
Carrot and Ginger Soup (premade)

Bruschetta:
Grab some yummy Gluten Free bread (you have to check that it's also vegan.  Can't totally get vegan?  that's okay.  What you usually run into are Egg or Milk. Sometimes we bend the rules just a bit because I have to be very careful on the Gluten side, so sometimes the Vegan has to be a bit flexible)
Drizzle olive oil and grill on the stove for a few minutes on each side until it's browned.
Flip and drizzle a bit of vegan cheese on top so while the other side is browning the cheese can melt down
Put on plate and spoon out pre-made bruschetta topping if you don't have time to make your own


Pre-made Carrot Ginger Soup.
REALLY sweet, almost like sweet potato soup / purée, which was too sweet for what I wanted.  So, I added garlic powder, oregano, and rosemary.  I also threw in a big spoonful of the bruschetta topping, and a bit of the juice from a glass container of kalamata olives for acidity.

Much better!

Enjoy!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Power of Outside

When was the last time you were....outside.  Yes, outside!

And I don't mean walking from your car to the store and back. I mean actually outside.  Did you know it's actually therapeutic to be outdoors?  People are meant to connect with nature, and being outside can do great things for you, for your thinking, for your happiness, and even for your health!

If you haven't been outside lately, let me suggest you get there fast!  Not sure what to do?  Start by taking a walk.  Go out, even if just for a few blocks or a mile, and walk around.  Take in the fresh air, feel the breeze and the sun on your skin, and inhale.  Repeat.  The therapeutic aspect of it helps to open your mind and you really have a chance to connect with yourself.  Steve Jobs used to go for walks all the time with his employees / teammates.  He did his best thinking when he walked.  And it's so true!  Your thoughts can become so clear you'll be astounded at the thoughts and solutions that come to you!

Another idea?  Take your coffee, dinner, or evening glass of vino onto the porch / balcony / or whatever outdoor space you have!  You're going to be sitting anyways, allow yourself to do the do while enjoying the beautiful scenery.

So enjoy your walk.  Enjoy your bike ride, or just enjoy your twenty minute coffee!  Here's the the power and beauty of nature.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Marriage Envy

Ok...first though, for all you follow-up needers!  Mediation day 2 went well.  Days 3 and on I forgot.  Well, I lied.  I didn't really forget, I just think about doing it briefly and then .... don't. 

I'll do it tonight after I finish writing!

Ok.  Moving on now.  I think this topic is really important.  Our culture (and that of women especially) is so on the flash.  The milestones.  The "end goal" of whatever it is you're doing that when it comes to marriages it's the same thing.  Actually, I feel like what I should say isn't that marriage is the thing here that we envy or that it's even the "end goal."  I think, sometimes, for women especially, it's wedding envy.  There.  I said it.  We get wedding envy.  We get "I'm looking at Facebook and see all these pictures of beautiful brides and happy guests and married friends seemingly moving forward in life and I feel like it's so far away from me!" 

The problem is, these are just snapshots.  We don't see the in between moments that get people form one snapshot to the next.  And as said in one Newlyweds, "those are the moments that get you from one happy photo to the next."  Except, we don't see them.  We don't see the work it takes, the arguments, the negotiations, the frustration, the desire, the compromises.  We don't see the annoyances and the shining moments.  We don't see the obstacles and the power to overcome it.  We just see the "End goal."  The wedding and now marriage of someone we knew.  And, truth be told, we can't help but instantly compare.  We may not mean to, but we do, even if just for the tiniest fraction of a moment, we do.

Now, though, I'm suddenly old enough where I see those wonderful photos I longed to be mine for so long (or so momentarily, however you wish to look at it...either way I saw the photos and thought about wishing it were me) being broken.  Those same weddings and "perfectly happy and lucky couples" are not separating and breaking.  All of them?  No.  But enough to realize I was wrong for coveting.  I was wrong for wishing something that wasn't mine to have in the first place.  How can you covet something that's not part of your life or life's path?  Those people have such a different trajectory than you, that to even for the slightest moment wish their happy moment were yours is sad.  You have your own happy moments coming, and, quite honestly, we don't know if they'll be happy forever.  It seems happy at the moment, but not all things are as they appear.

So don't envy.  Because it's sad to know that what you once wished were yours no longer exists.  It's sad to know that we're at the age where the "happy" can be broken.  Stop waiting for those "end goals" and "Finish lines."  Their false markers and you have to keep moving forward after you hit them anyways.  Instead, enjoy the journey.  Make sure the journey is the right one because if it's not, the "end goal" won't mean anything anyways.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Meditation


It’s been rather ongoing now, but I’ve had this urge to take a bath.  Maybe it’s the mere fact that I haven’t had access to a bathtub in over a year nor a tub prior to that I felt safe submerging my body into for another good three years before that, but whatever the reason, the urge has been pressing at my nerves.
            So tonight, although I wasn’t as stressed as I have been in the past few months – not even remotely on the same scale – I thought the bath sounded like perfection.  I brought in my laptop, threw in the bath salts and oil, put on some soothing music, and slid into the warm mixture.  It was heavenly.
            Except for the twenty seconds where my fiancé came in, pulled the shower curtain shut and peed, but, hey, I guess that’s the sacrifice you make with one bathroom.
            But I digress.  Back to the heavenly bath.  It was amazing.  I made it through an entire three songs before I washed off with some cool water.  No judging.  Having not sat in a bath for over four years, three songs was a great start!
            Then I decided to continue the pampering and gave myself a mini facial – which lasted for another song – before heading out to return my computer to it’s table.  At that point, well, more like during the second song of the bath, I decided I would venture into trying to meditate.  I had read up on it the other night, all one website worth of reading, and I felt like I was ready to go!
            So, I put my laptop away, positioned myself on my living room carpet, crossed my legs and touched my thumbs loosely together like the website had said, sat up straight and breathed.  The website also recommended clearing your head and that if that was not easy to do, count your breaths. 
            Since my mind never shuts off, I started counting.  1…2…
            I paid attention to my breathing and ensuring that my stomach was expanding outward to show I was taking in deep breaths instead of shallow ones.  I focused on breathing in through my nose and pushing the air out through my mouth.
            Then I thought about all those counseling and yoga classes where they tell you to imagine that as you exhale you’re pushing out all your problems with your breathing.
            But wait!  No.  That’s not what I was supposed to focus on.  Come back.  Back to breathing. 
            …7…8
            Nine!  Ha ha.  Seven eight nine! Like the joke.  Why was six afraid of seven?  Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine, in case you’d never heard the joke…)
            Damnit!  Not focusing. 
            ...10…11
            Breathe in. Breathe out through the mouth.  Breathe in. Focus on expanding your stomach.  Breathe out through the mouth.
            I got about four more of those in, and then I was bored and couldn’t sit any longer.  So I opened my eyes and stared at the counter wall.  If you’ve never done this before, this is about the time where you realize you are not going to be able to stand up right away – nor would that be an intelligent move – because your orientation is all off and you’d probably fall over.  So, I sat for another two breaths or so and re-grounded myself.  Once I felt less fuzzy, I stood up and congratulated myself on a meditation well attempted.
            There may be fore baths in the future.

No Room for Jealousy

Jealousy can kill you.  Literally.  It can acid through your insides and drive you mad.  And for what? 

If you're the jealous type, overcoming it can be challenging.  It's learning to rewire your brain and realizing your jealousy is just a frustration with yourself. 

I'm not trying to be harsh.  It's important to be reflective.  Take an honest look at yourself.  Do you compare yourself to others?  How frequently?  Are you proud of yourself and the person you currently are?  Are your goals in line with the future your current path is leading you?

Those are things you need to look at first.  Then we can look at overcoming it!

One good way to start?  Start being genuinely excited for the other person's news.  Harder than you were hoping?  Take yourself out of the equation.  Imagine you had everything.  Would you still be jealous of what they're saying?  Probably not!  You'd be really really happy for that person!

You see, the more you put out positivity and genuine excitement for others, the more it'll come back to you.  Is it a 1-to-1 give back?  Doubtful.  That's not how the universe, or karma, or whatever you want to call it, works.  But your harboring acidic negativity is definitely not doing you any favors!

So, start by smiling.  Take a deep breath, and imagine how you would want a friend to react if you told them the news instead of someone else telling it to you.

Now, "rinse and repeat".  :-)

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Words for the Soul

When you need to a little "growing" for your personal life, business, or relationship, the best place to start is with you.  Personal development makes everything better, because when you develop the person, the rest follows suit.

So where do you turn?  Turn to good books and good videos.  Some great starts?

Dare to Dream, Work to Win
The Slight Edge
Rich Dad, Poor Dad
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Funny Side Up
Eat That Frog
The Obvious
The Secret


And those are just a few.  Some great websites? selftalkstore.com and Mentorfish.com  Or, at least, I've really enjoyed them.  Shad has some amazing tools to listen to in the background and Keith brings on a little bit of everything and everyone, so you get a good scope of everything.

Here's to your future success.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013