Marriage Envy

Ok...first though, for all you follow-up needers!  Mediation day 2 went well.  Days 3 and on I forgot.  Well, I lied.  I didn't really forget, I just think about doing it briefly and then .... don't. 

I'll do it tonight after I finish writing!

Ok.  Moving on now.  I think this topic is really important.  Our culture (and that of women especially) is so on the flash.  The milestones.  The "end goal" of whatever it is you're doing that when it comes to marriages it's the same thing.  Actually, I feel like what I should say isn't that marriage is the thing here that we envy or that it's even the "end goal."  I think, sometimes, for women especially, it's wedding envy.  There.  I said it.  We get wedding envy.  We get "I'm looking at Facebook and see all these pictures of beautiful brides and happy guests and married friends seemingly moving forward in life and I feel like it's so far away from me!" 

The problem is, these are just snapshots.  We don't see the in between moments that get people form one snapshot to the next.  And as said in one Newlyweds, "those are the moments that get you from one happy photo to the next."  Except, we don't see them.  We don't see the work it takes, the arguments, the negotiations, the frustration, the desire, the compromises.  We don't see the annoyances and the shining moments.  We don't see the obstacles and the power to overcome it.  We just see the "End goal."  The wedding and now marriage of someone we knew.  And, truth be told, we can't help but instantly compare.  We may not mean to, but we do, even if just for the tiniest fraction of a moment, we do.

Now, though, I'm suddenly old enough where I see those wonderful photos I longed to be mine for so long (or so momentarily, however you wish to look at it...either way I saw the photos and thought about wishing it were me) being broken.  Those same weddings and "perfectly happy and lucky couples" are not separating and breaking.  All of them?  No.  But enough to realize I was wrong for coveting.  I was wrong for wishing something that wasn't mine to have in the first place.  How can you covet something that's not part of your life or life's path?  Those people have such a different trajectory than you, that to even for the slightest moment wish their happy moment were yours is sad.  You have your own happy moments coming, and, quite honestly, we don't know if they'll be happy forever.  It seems happy at the moment, but not all things are as they appear.

So don't envy.  Because it's sad to know that what you once wished were yours no longer exists.  It's sad to know that we're at the age where the "happy" can be broken.  Stop waiting for those "end goals" and "Finish lines."  Their false markers and you have to keep moving forward after you hit them anyways.  Instead, enjoy the journey.  Make sure the journey is the right one because if it's not, the "end goal" won't mean anything anyways.