Happiness and Headaches

For all of you who recently celebrated Christmas, or Hanukkah a few weeks back, you know that family time can sometimes be "stress time" as well.  As much as we love our families, there is always a chance this year's gathering can bring headaches as well as happiness.  It just depends on how much you allow them to get to you, and that determines who much you sway to one side. 

I had my new soon to be in-laws over for Christmas Eve, and it was wonderfully surprised to see how well they fit in with the family.  They were warmly welcomed, and they made the effort to engage with those around them.  (Note:  always do that when you're invited somewhere!  Make an effort to mingle.  It takes a lot of pressure of the one who invited you!) And then, about halfway into a few drinks, my uncle sat and treated us all to "stories of old," aka stories about him and the family back when they were much younger, and they were absolutely hysterical.  They were the kind of stories that take a while to tell, but by the end everyone is laughing. 

Christmas day was spent bouncing between families, and it takes practice to not let the simple fact of driving get to you!  I recommend calling a friend on the phone between places or throwing in your favorite CD / iPod to avoid commercials!  When you do bounce, families want to absorb as much time with you as possible because they know you're leaving.  Indulge them.  They do it because they love you.

And now we're on to New Year's Eve!  Hope you have planned accordingly!

THE Budget

Wouldn't you know, a few hours after writing my last post, my boyfriend proposes!  How fun!  And he did it the best way, too.  It was exactly what I didn't even know I wanted.  Looking back, I couldn't have imagined it any other way.  You know you are a very lucky girl when the boy (now fiance) plans a proposal better than you could have even planned for yourself!

That just means we are onwards and upwards!  Within minutes of becoming a brand new fiancé, everyone had that very important question:  WHEN?!  When are you getting married?

And it's almost twin: WHERE?!  Where are you getting married?

Often times the first question is the easiest and quickest to figure out.  Couples often plan weddings around their work schedules, places they want to honeymoon, and time of year the bride and groom want to get married. (or bride/bride, groom/groom.  You pick).  Still, the Where is just as important.  If a couple has a specific location predetermined, the When might be the more flexible of the two, but if the Where is more flexible, then When falls into place quickly.

As did ours.  After considering all the facets of a wedding, guests, time off, etc, we chose the Friday of Thanksgiving as our day!  Woot!  NOW....Where.  And that is when THE discussion has to happen:  Budget.  Everyone has one (or pretends to have one) but this is THE budget to determine.  Weddings are expensive. In fact, the average wedding costs $26,989!  That's an income for many many people!

And it's not just the reception you have to look at!  There is the wedding dress to consider, men's tux rentals, wedding bands, ceremony space, flowers, cake, rehearsal dinner, favors, gifts for the bridal party, lingerie, manicue/hair/makeup, hotel room, DJ, photographer, Tax/Service fees, and even videographer if you want that.

Please note:  When discussing budget, BE HONEST with each other.  If you can only put up $12000, you can only put up $12000.  If you WANT to spend $25,000, don't look at places that cost $150-$180 a plate!  Be reasonable, and be honest.  The last thing you want is to get your heart set on something because you think you can have the funds in time.  And ask your family to be honest with you as well.  If they can help pay for something, great.  Have them tell you what something that is or how much they'd like to put towards the wedding.  If they can't, then you might have to get more creative.

And remember, it may be the day to remember, but it's still one day.  Keep it in perspective, and have fun!

Paying the Bill

Going out with friends is always enjoyable!  The difficult part can come when the bill arrives, and one couple insists on picking up the check.

Here are a few good rules of thumb we've always followed:

1) If you see the friends often, switch who picks up the bill.  One time we'll get it.  The next time they'll get it.  Over time, it ends up a wash.

2)  If people are visiting you from out of town, always insist on picking up the bill.  They drove in / flew in to see you or do what they had planned, so they already spent the money to come.  You ought to treat them.

3)  If you are visiting other people, be ready to pay in case they don't believe in following #2!

4)  If trying to decide who pays, and it's possible to just split down the middle, do it!  Don't count minor details if they're really good friends!

5)  If, after everything, you get into "no, I insist you let me help pay" battle, you've insisted twice on helping to pay or picking it up completely, and they still say they want to pick it up, drop it.  Don't haggle.  You can treat them to something another time.  Allow them to treat you.

Thank you, Shelf Unbound, for posting this awesome spotlight on my book in your Dec / Jan 2013 issue!!