That Awkward Disconnect

Last night my husband and I had dinner with two of our friends (we went to Umai in Chicago, which was absolutely delicious!) and we had an absolutely wonderful time.  They're great friends - you know, the kind who brighten your day, make you laugh, connect with you completely, and make you feel valued, important, and like they are as committed to the mutual friendship as you are.  That's exactly how they are.  We actually spent three hours there and were one of the last three tables there - we basically got 'kicked out' so they could close!  We just couldn't stop talking; we were having so much fun.  So my husband and I left that night with our 'cups' filled, happily tired from the friend exchange.

Tonight we went to a going away party.  And tonight was different.  While we get along with most of the people who were at this event, there was a disconnect.  Instead of easy conversation, the kind that also is filled with depth and questions that push  you to learn and grow through the conversation to continue to enjoy it and move it forward, these were fluff conversations, the kinds that stay on such basic and generally superficial topics that they could be had between any two people anywhere.  We spoke of family vacations, relationships with relatives you don't see often, the food, the weather, jobs, and so on and so on.  It's not that they weren't pleasant - and if you'd been a fly on the wall it probably seemed like we were all having a good time - but these were the other kinds of conversations: slightly forced, and when the silence arrived it hovered awkwardly as people tried to think of what to bring up next.  That was how tonight went.

And so my husband and I left, and I noted that I still felt "empty", unfulfilled, and tired in a different way - not the one where you've exhausted your energy because there was so much to say and you just felt you were always catching your breath to say it all, but the kind where you've exhausted your energy putting on the face that gets you through the night seeming like you fully enjoyed yourself.

It's amazing how different crowds, even if they're both inclusive of people you find it rather easy to be around and genuinely part of your friend/family/non-work circle, can fill your emotional 'cups' differently.  And sometimes it's of no fault to the other party, but the 'cups' you require to be filled to feel like the night was a full and well-rounded success on every level change as your life changes, and what works sometimes doesn't work other times.

So here's to your success in filling your cups with the best kind of enjoyment, without the awkward silences!