I have struggled with something girls have struggled with for eons, and I will not be the last. An eating disorder. It has been a 10 year battle, some periods I seem valiant and in control, and others I completely fail to even make it to the court.
Tonight was one of those really close games. I won, but it was a close match. I've been good too, for the last 3 months, but those urges are a daily battle and tonight all I wanted to do was binge. So annoying. I knew I was doing it too, but I couldn't find the stop button. I found everything - vanilla chocolate almond ice cream bars, cereal, peanut butter.....it was awful. My only saving grace was this momentary snapshot on Real Housewives of New York City when Bethenny talked about her book, and I ran to the internet to look it up and - low and behold - her book is called Naturally Thin. I read a quick excerpt and luckily for me it snapped me out of my binge-trance. I decided to drive for a while, stopped and walked around Borders, and managed to re-center myself before giving into the eating disorder trap. I felt very proud of myself by the time that whole incident passed.
This topic totally isn't uplifting, I know, but I am doing better. In part of my decision to get better in the last few years, I wrote a book about the experience. It's a 3-month fictional snapshot, but totally based on my life. I'm in the process of publishing it right now, and it has proven good for me. I forced myself t deal with a lot of the issues, and I want to bring awareness to bulimia. But. . . I wanted to do it in a way that was accessible and fun to read. I'm really excited about it, because it has an undercurrent of humor below the real-life drama. I will keep you all posted about the book and the publishing process! Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes, and I am happy to share them with you.
im sure thats a tough topic for you. did writing the book help you to get through it more? is that a big reason why you wrote it?
ReplyDeleteIt is, actually! It started out as a journal and then I realized I had 40 pages and decided to take it and write a book. Eventually, while it became a novel based on my life but with some varying events, as the main character was having "realizations", I was actually having them too. I learned a lot. It was good for me, but I also want it to be something that informs others. I want it to help people understand or give them support. The main character has a bit of an ironic sense of humor, which I think helps make the book accessible and enjoyable. It will be out soon. I will keep you posted!
ReplyDeleteCould you tell us just a bit about your book. I am thinking of reading it.
ReplyDeleteabsolutely! It's a 3-month snapshot about life as a college girl working on overcoming bulimia. It's a fast-paced read with an undercurrent of dry humor. It's currently in the process of being published. I will post updates on the blog as to when it will be available online for purchase!!
ReplyDeleteYou suffered from a binge eating disorder before? Do you know how to stop? I think I have one two, although I am pretty slender. Normally I have an immense amount of self-dicipline. I can force myself to study for hours together, practice piano until my fingers fall off, and exercise when I wish to, but I can't control my nighttime binges; Now, I've been gaining weight. How do I stop before it becomes too late? Why don't I have any control? I can't live like this anymore.
ReplyDeleteHaving self-discipline in one area of life doesn't mean it's easy to control the others. I too am very disciplined. However, binge eating disorders / bulimia / anorexia stem from problems somewhere else in your life and the disorder is the manifestation of the problem(s). I am by no means a doctor nor a professional in helping overcome, so if you do think you might have a problem, I would highly recommend seeing if you can't find a recommendation for a good therapist. I went to one when I was in college and he was truly amazing. It doesn't make you weak or stupid, but it does give you a chance to really figure out what's going on with you instead of staying in your own head all the time.
ReplyDeleteMy first suggestion, though, would be: Don't Buy It! If it's not in the house and you have to physically leave to buy something, you are much less likely to do it than if you can just reach and mindlessly munch! Otherwise do your best to find some healthier substitutes or move yourself and see if the craving is still there after you've done something else. It's not a perfect science, but it can help. Again, though, take some time to try to find out what is really bothering you.
Thanks. I have tried to see someone in high school but my parents began to act like I was stupid and inept so I stopped. Now, I feel myself falling back into the hole.
ReplyDeleteHoles are tough. And they come and go. But that's what you have to remember. They come AND GO. I heard a quote once - from Just Married - when Aston is looking at a photo album with his father commenting on how life is so tough and hard. The father says something like, "You don't see the tough times in an album. But the tough times are what get you from one happy moment to the next." And it's something I remind myself of when things are challenging - that it's just part of what it takes to get me to the next step of where I'm going. It doesn't fix it, but it reminds me of the temporary state of life, which helps the hard things seem less overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, try to figure out what your 'hole' entails. What's really bothering you? Seeing someone or not, parents acting as they are or not is frustrating, and tough, but you have to believe in yourself enough to not let them shake you or define you. "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" (Elenor Roosevelt)
Thank you, that really helped. You know what might be wonderful? What if you started a little advice collumn. I'm sure tons of people would try it.
ReplyDeleteThat actually might not be a bad idea. I'll definitely look into it! Thanks and I hope you're doing well.
ReplyDelete