LMOH: The Unexpected Happy Surprise

The other day I received an email that my poem I submitted to an amateur poetry contest made it to the semi-finals!  Now, I know that doesn't mean a lot to everyone, but the momentary spark of happiness it generated in my day was so wonderful.  It's not often you get a happy email!  

But maybe for you it's not a poem update.  Maybe for you it's the surprise cup of coffee a friend brought you, or coming home to your partner having gotten takeout so you don't have to cook, or just an evening with a great breeze so you can sit outside in the summer and not be stifling hot.

Whatever the unexpected surprise of your day might be, I hope it brought a genuine smile to your face and paused all other life stressors because those breaks in the day are needed and help us reset.

Feel free to share your unexpected happy surprise!

AOT: The New Midlife Crisis

It's strange.  Growing up we saw people go through midlife crises by buying things, often expensive and unnecessary things, and many of us didn't get it.

Now, many of us are at the age where we finally do.  We get it.  Why?  Because we're at that age, too.  I've found the MC (midlife crisis) is usually triggered by one if not two things (below), but the results of those things today often look different (further below).

The Triggers:

1. You feel like you're falling in an abyss and there's no real end in sight
• We're 40 (ish, give or take a handful of years).  We've been working for 20 years and we realize we're only halfway there, if we're lucky.  We're exhausted and don't know how it's possible to do 20 more years of the hamster wheel.  
• And everything around us seems to be on fire all the time.  There are only so many 'once in a lifetime events' one can handle and, for most, they seem to be coming at us like an automated revolving door.
• There's a certain anxiety, energy, and exhausted despair that goes with that, kind of like Stitch from Lilo and Stitch when he throws one of his tantrums.  That's how it feels.  And you wonder how this will be possible for t-w-e-n-t-y more years...
2. You realize that "doing all the right things" isn't fulfilling
• This doesn't mean you dislike, hate, regret, or otherwise don't want your life or family.  You probably love them.  However, you realize you've spent 35 years of your life (b/c at 40, you don't really remember the first 5 if we're being honest) doing all the things you were told you were supposed to do without questioning if they were right for you.  Did you want to do all the things you did in the order you did them?  Would you do it again the same way?  Would you push back in certain areas more to give yourself more space, love, freedom, self-knowledge if you had it to do again? (assuming you had money to do things in a different order, of course, and that itself is a certain type of freedom).
• Schooling, possibly advanced schooling, marriage / relationships, kids, house, cars, want to climb the ladder by working yourself 60+ hours a week b/c that's supposed to be the way forward...etc etc etc, and also somehow fitting in pets, working out, cooking, cleaning, etc...
• ...and probably mostly all yourself too, because who has extra money these days to hire help and who lives close enough to family to create a fall-back community who can help you with these things when you're exhausted?
• It's not that you don't want your life.  Life can be great!  It's that, at 40, you finally start questioning.  You wake up and go, "Wait, now what?  Just more of this and then retire and maybe travel and die? There has to be more."
• But what does "more" look like?!?!
  

For the last generation, "more" was buying yourself the thing you thought you were denied - the extra house, the sexy car, maybe a divorce, a trip, clothes...you get the point....but us?  Most of us can't afford any of that.  Most of us are still wondering how we've managed to survive paycheck to paycheck with even bigger expenses ahead of us (e.g. healthcare costs, kids and schooling, house repairs, aging parent care, just inflation in general...)

The Outcomes:

So, without all the extra available cash or purchasing power, what are MCs (midlife crises) looking like today?

• If you're lucky - quitting your job and finding your passion.  This is probably lowest on the list, though, b/c healthcare and life costs are so high most of us can't do this...
• Also if you're lucky, buying something nice and expensive...but again, expensive, so for most this is not plausible...
• Crying a lot
• Regular venting sessions with your friends where you both express your frustration, realize you're not alone, maybe drink, and then plan to do this on repeat because it's free to call your friend
• If you're lucky, hiring a therapist
• Picking up childhood hobbies, ones you either loved doing and want to do again or the ones you were denied
• Can be as innocuous as replaying video games, finding memorabilia to buy that makes you feel special but doesn't break the very small bank account you have, or following accounts that showcase this because you still get the dopamine hit, but it's free
• Finding the cheap hobbies (usually joked about as historically reserved for 'old' folks) - gardening, bird watching, getting the tactile satisfaction of a hard-copy newspaper, trying a new baking recipe, quilting, crocheting, etc
• Crying again
• Rewatching shows (possibly from your childhood but ones from your 20s and 30s you loved) because it's like an emotional blanket - you know what's coming, it's not stressful, it's comforting and familiar, and they make you feel safe and capable.  
• They help reduce the amount of crying and bank-account-induced panic attacks.

So, in short, we are still in crisis during our midlife, but we don't have the funds, space, or time availability to do what were historically seen as 'MC' events.  So we've come up with cheaper alternatives to help 'get us through' and make that dark abyss more comforting :)

Share your MC event!  You're likely not alone!

LMOH: Simplifying Presentations

Most of us have day jobs (or night jobs, but those 40+ hr a week jobs).  Some of us have to give presentations.  There's nothing more satisfying than a well-put-together presentation both in language and layout.  Cluttered or disjointed slides just create more visual chaos which hurts everyone's brain.  The best thing is when it's simple, clear, to the point, and easy-to-follow.  

Tips for your next presentation:

• Manage your colors
• You should have one color theme for the whole presentation - usually no more than 3 colors / color families, and for many of us, it's the company colors (so if you have company-preferred colors, stick to them).  1 or 2 is preferred!
• NOTE - RED usually means RED FLAG - if your company uses red, try to only use red when you're actually yelling at someone or calling out risks / concerns / things that are behind schedule.  Otherwise, please pick a different color!

• Coordinate colors
• If you use blue for new items, keep using blue for new items.  Don't suddenly also use blue for closed items.  Use a different shade of blue or a different color completely (like grey) for closed items.

• Simplify your language
• Don't use 10 words when 4 will do
• Example:  
• Original:  The results from last quarter (Q2 2025) clearly state that there is a 10% increase in incoming work volume
• Simplified:  Q2 results - 10% work volume increase

• Make sure bullets / boxes / things align
• There's a function in PowerPoint under Shapes called "align" and you can select your boxes or bullets you want to align and pick "align left" and they'll all align.  But if you can't make that work, still do your best to align boxes and bullets. There are guidelines that show when you move objects in PPT that help you do this.  Balance (including enough whitespace) helps your message come across clearly!

AOT: Softened vs Melted Butter in Cake

 Ok, I'll first admit I'm not a baker.  I enjoy baking, but that doesn't make me anywhere near someone who could call themselves a baker.  I don't know a lot of tricks, I almost always need to see the recipe because I don't bake anything often enough to remember everything exactly, and I don't know the science behind why things work the way they do.  What I mean by that is I don't know a lot of things I would expect professional bakers to know, like why baking soda is better than baking powder or when I'd use either one, how the number of eggs in a recipe changes the dessert, or why sometimes it's melted butter and sometimes it's softened butter.

This week, however, I decided to experiment on one of our favorite recipes: Apricot cake.  The recipe called for melted butter so I made two cakes, one with melted and one with softened butter.  The end result?  The one with melted butter had more moisture in it and the one with softened butter had a more crumb-like consistency.  I like them both.  My husband prefers the one that's got more of a crumb to it.  But that's good to know!  I learned something!

Want to try the cake?  Recipe below!

Ingredients:

• ~15 apricots chopped up
• 1 1/4 c flour (I use gluten free) and 1/2 cup almond flour (you probably can use 1 1/2 cup flour if you don't want to use both flour types)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• pinch of salt
• 1 1/4 c sugar
• 12 tbsp butter (melted or softened! you pick!)
• 1/4 tsp almond (a little more if you're not using the almond flour)
• 4 eggs
• 1/3 c milk (I use unsweetened oat milk)

Instructions

• Preheat oven to convection bake 350 degrees F
• Chop apricots 
• Mix flour(s), baking powder, and salt in a bowl, set aside
• Mix butter, milk, sugar, and almond extract in a bowl
• Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients
• Add in chopped apricots
• Pour into pre-greased cake pan
• Bake 40-45 min (probably closer to 50-60 min if not using convection bake)
• Let cool and enjoy!

AOT - Setting Your Family Up for Success After You Pass

 Recently I attended a funeral for a family member.  It was difficult, but the family did an amazing job with the eulogy in the paper and at the funeral itself.  The man who passed was so wonderful and had so much humor in his life that we actually all had the pleasure of laughing during many of the eulogies, which, during a very difficult time, is a welcomed reprieve.

Still, funerals are hard.  What's also hard is ensuring the members left behind (spouse, kids, etc) are in a good place to handle the estate and all the financial and logistical things.  What we learned?  Password sharing and strong documentation makes an already difficult process much more manageable.  So, whether you have a life insurance policy, a death benefit, accounts, etc...if you have family members you're close enough to and trust enough, start sharing passwords with them, make sure they have access to your phone (did you know Apple has a Legacy capability?!), and get your paperwork in order.  It's already hard enough to lose you, it is nice when this part is not a challenge.

LMOH: Sample Read of What Faye Loves

Well, it's official!  The What Faye Loves story is also now a sample read on YouTube!  I'm so thrilled to have both of my children's books available to audiences now, and this audio-visual read should help showcase how amazing this book is and why you and your family will fall in love with it!  Links to where you can purchase it (Amazon or Etsy if you want it signed!) plus other books and goodies linked through our Last Bite Publishing page!  Share and enjoy, because every purchase helps a local animal rescue, too!

AOT: Consulting Architects and Builders

Okay, confession time - one of my dream jobs would be to consult for architects and builders on what layouts do and do not make sense.  So, if any of you out there need a sounding board, my fee is reasonable!  I'd love to help!  Just message me (email in the about page).

I initially went to school for architecture because I wanted to build homes.  Genuinely.  But I realized the amount of schooling and the income proposed for new architects and what I wanted out of my life didn't match (worked out too, because I graduated during the 2007/8 recession and it would have been a nightmare).

Still, I have loved homes and we've built a semi custom house and redone two other place.  I find it so fun.  And I'm good at it.  So much so that my standards are super high and every time we talk through a house (because we enjoy spending our weekends touring open houses to see what's out there, what's new, what's trending, and what people are doing) all I do is critique.  Most of the time it starts with "What they should have done is...."  This is for anything from $300K to $2M. There's always something the builder or renovator did that makes no sense.  A little extra though or a twinge extra cash to do something more appropriately would have made all the difference.

So, who knows?  Maybe someone wants a little extra help, and I can be that for them!  But I do think builders, architects, and renovators need to be more thoughtful about how folks actually use spaces and not just what may or may not fit on paper.

Now, to go look at some more open houses!

LMOH: Sample reading of What Ein Prefers

It's official!  After an ask from a reader to have a sample of the story on YouTube so she could show folks who have difficulty reading but who would enjoy the story, I have posted the first 1/3 of the book on YouTube for your introduction and enjoyment!

Enjoy!  And if you love it, grab a copy through Amazon or Etsy (www.lastbitepublishing.com) has the links!  Remember, a portion of proceeds go to local animal rescues.

 

LMOH: Coffee

I know lots of people wake up to coffee.  Sometimes it's a need.  Sometimes it's a desire.  Sometimes it's both.  Regardless of the driver, there is something magical about the smell of coffee and the taste of it, bursting with rich and bitter flavor on your tongue all at the same time.

Over the past year I've actually gotten away from caffeine and come to find that I truly love coffee for coffee's sake, and usually black.  Rarely do I do lattes or cappuccinos anymore, but they can have a special place in my day when I need something a little more filling.  But at home, it's Kcups during the week (or drip if I'm feeling up to it) and Nespresso on weekends.  One of our friends has a machine to make your own espresso, and I think that's super special!  It was fun when we visited, but I don't have the patience or the time to clean up after it.  So Nespresso it is!  Still, pushing that button, hearing it brew, smelling it as it falls, and then finally taking the warm cup in my hands....mmmm...nothing says a happy morning like a fresh cup of coffee.

Enjoy!

LMOH: Warm Sunshine

I may be opposed to changing the clocks 2x a year, but I do enjoy how around this time of year the sun's warmth really starts to grow.  There's something both magical and calming about being in the sunshine and feeling your body warm up.  It's like an invisible hug, and when you're cold or when your life feels a little overwhelming and like you're swirling, that first moment of warmth hugging your body immediately makes me sigh, smile, and remember that there are bigger and better things out there.

LMK what your little moment of magic looks like as spring arrives in the northern hemisphere and fall begins in the southern!

AOT: Opinion - HOAs

 My whole adult life I’ve lived in an HOA community.  I’m now on my fourth, though my third as a participating and paying adult (my first was as a high school and then college person with her family).  The longer I’m in an HOA the more I wish HOAs were managed by the city with 1 (maybe 2, based on size) reps elected by the community to represent the community in the city board.  Why?  The main reason:  Consistency.

Our first HOA as an adult was as a couple - one of seven units in the building.  It landed on us to manage and we had to hunt down dues at times, try to get lawyers involved, and as a 26yo, why were we in the position doing that?  We also realized while we’re incredibly responsible, not everyone is, and I didn’t trust my money with any other neighbor, and we were tired of fighting the neighbors for basic HOA compliance.  So we agreed to go big! Big community where we didn’t have to be involved.

After 5 years in a 6-building and hundreds-of-people complex, we weren’t opposed to HOAs but each building had such different dilemmas hearing people complain at meetings was exhausting.  They never saw the community as a whole and only looked at their individual, myopic view.  And we found that odd.  Home value is based on the whole area not just one home, so why wouldn’t you want to consider everyone?

So when we moved states we thought maybe we’d get away from them, but we ended in another one as they’re incredibly common in our current city.  We’ve looked at some homes over the years in this area and some have private roads for only 4 people, or retaining ponds or walls for under 10.  And when we ask the realtors they’re like , “oh, you’ll just manage it with your neighbors” like it’s no big deal.  My husband and I flash back to those 7-unit days, shudder and exit as quickly as possible.

But even in my community people still argue over the big and small, some thinking about the whole and some only about their small portion where their home is.  Some talk about how we’re better than other communities and others how were worse.  Some about how maintenance things should be picked up by the city and others about how we’re not keeping up enough with the city.

And that’s when I started wondering why HOAs aren’t managed by the city.  Cities already have rules about behavior and what is and isn’t allowed.  And if you like an area / town it probably has something to do with those overall rules.  But if HOAs were managed by the town, there would be a potential for more consistency - a 20-30 year plan and schedule for when roofs and siding would get replaced, which codes have to be followed, and if something were out of code it’s not a debate between neighbors about “if” because the city would dictate “when”.  And by having a rep from the community the city could think about the nuance of the project and needs - if your balconies are crumbling maybe part of the debate could be allowing your neighbors to elect which payment plan they prefer; which color they prefer for the paint, etc.  if you dislike something, go to your city rep or write or call the actual city board.  It would stop putting neighbors against one another, and it would put maintaining a standard at the city level.  It might even reduce the number of HOAs because cities would already oversee enough that new communities wouldn’t be incentivised to privatise the group of homes.

All that said, I see all the arguments for having an HOA for the community and have it separate from the city - tighter consistency, possibly more potential in your voice being heard if there’s a problem…but I also challenge you to look at listings on Zillow in HOA rich communities and see how many say “No HOA!!!” …with often more than 1 exclamation point.  

It’s just interesting.  The give and take and the perspective changes that occur as you live and grow in different locations.  We all hope for the best.

LMOH: Valentine's Day

Happy Day of Love to everyone.  This isn't how the day was always celebrated, as it has quite a mysterious past (Roman? Christian? Something else entirely?). But whether you think of it as a day of love, fertility, or something different, there's no denying into today's world, it has a definitive moment.

That said, not everyone approaches Valentine's Day with joy.  Years where I didn't have a Valentine, I just wanted this day to pass by quickly.  Now that I do, we've worked really hard to keep it low key and unassuming, exchanging only cards and a kiss.  We treat each other to gifts on birthdays and then big gifts we need or want become "multi event gifts" (e.g. anniversary + Xmas, etc).  Why?  Historically money - we've been frugal and focused heavily on savings, so we, instead, stretch a gift that's bigger and meaningful across many events and work to make days like today small, focused, more about just being together and enjoying a special cup of coffee or takeout and a movie instead of adding another big event into the year.

But Valentine's Day doesn't just have to be about the partner in your life.  And that's where this day can be truly beautiful.  Make a friend or family member feel special with a card or phone call. Maybe even a surprise cup of coffee.  Have a dog or cat? Give them a big hug and snuggle tightly, because to them, every day is Valentine's Day, as you are the most important thing in their whole world.  

The point is, don't buy into the commercial nature of the day to find your joy and validation.  You're enough as you are, and sharing love doesn't take money.  It takes a smile, a little bit of time, and something that shows you recognize another.  

Happy Valentine's Day!  *hugs*

AOT: Broke in Your 30s vs Your 20s

I brought this up with my husband the other day, and then more recently with my friends who all seemed to echo similar sentiments.  I'm approaching 40, and as I think back on my 20s and 30s, one thing seemed odd to me in a way I hadn't anticipated.  I've always been prone to stressing about my finances, every since my mom died and we were thrown into the very real pool of being incredibly broke without her income and with her medical (and other) bills to pay off.  It happened when I was 21 and ever since then you could almost say I've been hyper vigilant about staying out of debt and above water since then.  Yes, there is some debt I had to undertake (student loans, mortgage) but my husband and I steer clear of other debt like CC debt, the kind that comes with an interest rate.  Even my student loans were a beast to pay off.

So as we were walking the other day I looked at him and said, "You know, it's funny.  I thought my 30s would be awesome because we'd 'have more money and freedom,' but like, no.  I'm not broke like I was in my 20s, but I'm broke in a new way, in an 'I'm trying to save for the future and not go into debt while also not living on ramen and saltines only and everyday' kind of way, and it's utterly exhausting."

To my surprise, he and my friends have all echoed similar scenarios back.  Yes, compound that with COVID in 2020 and a slew of other mishaps that peppered the last two decades for millennials, and it almost seems odd that we would have or should have expected anything else.  But between trying to plan for a retirement that may or may not exist and may or may not include social security, pay off student debt which feels like digging yourself out of quicksand, and for some of my friends looking at raising kids and/or going through divorce, and/or losing parents and paying estate fees and attorney fees and moving fees...it's all quite berating.  It makes me realize I should give myself and other people within a decade of my age more grace to feel numb or annoyed or frustrated or, or or...more often.  

Anyway, I hope you're finding things are going well for you, but if you feel like you're spinning in a vortex of Groundhog's Day (like the movie) and wondering when your bank account will read a number that makes you think "hey, I could splurge and not be at zero!", just know you're not alone.  Wishing you some peace in what's started as a very chaotic year as well.

LMOH: Long Weekend Vibes

 Mmmm, waking up today and realizing a long weekend is ahead is one of the best feelings.  I already love waking up on Fridays because it means it's "special coffee" day (aka we save our Nespresso for the weekends based on a long tradition of making Fridays and weekends special).  And then waking up AND realizing that on top of Special Coffee Friday it's also going to be a long weekend?!  Hello, happiness!

What special things do you have planned (or enjoy doing) on long weekends?

Food: Chicken Wings FTW

So, for the holidays we had a houseful of 7 for 6 days.  I had a lot to make so one day I just got a bunch of chicken wings to bake.  Yes bake.  And they were a HUGE hit.  Everyone kept asking what I did because they tasted great, and one of the people at the house, like me, doesn't love when chicken wings are dipped or slathered in sauce.  We like them simple and yummy.

Now, the recipe seems too simple, but I promise if you bake them long enough, they taste fantastic!

Ingredients:

- Chicken wings

- Salt

Instructions:

- Preheat oven to 425

- Lay chicken wings skin side up on a pan (which I also covered in parchment paper because it makes for easier clean up, but that's your call)

- Sprinkle salt on the top of all chicken wings

- Put in oven for 40 min

- At 40 min, pull them out of the oven and with tongs flip them all over so the skin side is facing down, then flip them back over so the skin side is facing up 

        - I usually go from one side of the pan flipping them over (e.g. left to right) and then back the same way again (e.g. left to right)

        - This is essentially a "quick baste" - it gets some of the juices that have seeped off them back onto the skin to create a crispiness.  No waiting, this whole process should take like 2-3 minutes.

- Place back in oven for 20 more minutes

- Remove and enjoy at the temperature you prefer (I usually have to let mine sit for ~5 min to cool a bit)

Simple.  But amazing!  Enjoy!

LMOH: Ringing in the New Year

 Happy New Year!  If you’re like me you’ve approached this new year with a little trepidation.  Last year was a lot and while there were some high points for sure, I just find I’m not (to date myself here) “psyched” about celebrating as I used to be.  

That said, I awoke this morning feeling happy and light.  Then I stepped outside into a clear, brisk, and refreshing morning as I let the dogs out.  Then I found my foster, Jet, and our dog, Faye, playing together (which is a rare occurrence - Faye is a corgi and corgi legs are short so Jet, in trying to play, usually swipes her with his long legs and she gets annoyed, so they don’t play much).  But there they were, happy and playing, and I found it warmed my heart.

So who knows?  Maybe this will be an excellent year.  For all of us.