Exercise Day 30

Welcome to the end of month 1.  Today my calves are tired and sore, and I realize even more than I did before that taking care of my health is going to be an absolute priority in my 30s.  Committed.  Check.  Decided.  Done.

I really enjoyed the push to workout more in the last 30 days.  I subsequently have watched less TV, enjoyed more time outside, walked more when I had the option to hop a bus over a short distance, and, consequently, look better in my cloths.  (I haven't lost any weight, but things are just 'holding together' better).  :)  *perks* :)

We are winding down now and moving into month 2.  I originally thought this would be my 'volunteer' month, but given the schedule July has already presented me, I think we have to switch tactics.  I'm currently debating between 'sex with my husband everyday' and 'create a new teaching doc every day' to supplement the work I already product for fellow teachers on Teachers Pay Teachers.  The reason I'm debating is because on the first option I just have to double check my husband's up for hit (ha.  hahaha.  like he wouldn't be??)  and then I have to be sure I can do the teaching one in August.  I want to get it done before school has, more or less, started again.

Either way, Month 2 and the next set of 30-days to better begins!!

Exercise Day 13 - Tired

I did a quick 15-20 minute faux T-25 workout today.  I say 15-20 because I definitely did the full 20 minute video, but I took lots of ...pauses.  Still, it felt good.  And it's a good thing I did it earlier rather than later, because later I was hit by the strangest thing.  It's happened a few times in the last year or so, and it freaks me out every time.  I looked it up and it seems to be "reactive hypoglycemia" and they don't actually know what causes it. And it's not diabetes.  It's almost like the body blocks the release of gluco-something and it gives you heart palpitations, shakes, and makes you so tired you almost fall instantly asleep.  And so I recently awoke, feel better (which is usually how it goes when it happens), but I still have absolutely no idea what prompts it.  I'll have to keep a closer eye.

Still, in terms of this month's 30-day challenge - still on point!

Exercise Day 10-12: Fail, Fit, Fixed

Day 10 - failed horribly.  I totally forgot to stretch.  Woke up Saturday morning and thought, "Oh my God!  10 days and I already failed."

Day 11 - I worked super hard to fix my mistake from Day 10.  I walked 5 miles that day and stretched.

Day 12 - Back on Track and starting the week well with 2 1-mile walks, both in everyday clothes so it didn't feel like 'work'.

Exercise Day 9 - Gratefulness

I woke up this morning refreshed.  Well, I was tired and secretly wondered if I could make the world turn back 30 minutes so I could keep sleeping, but otherwise I was refreshed.  Since yesterday was one of my 2 'days off' for the week and I did extensive stretching instead - it felt glorious by the way - this morning I could feel my body thanking me for the reprieve.  In fact, when I awoke I felt less achy than I have in a while and just generally 'tighter'.  If you have worked out before you'll know what I mean - things just seem to move less.  Jiggle less.  Be in places they shouldn't be...less.  I felt svelter.

I stepped on the scale, which I do practically every morning out of habit, and I could tell you that the number hasn't changed much.  In fact, I've gone up 1.7 pounds, but who's counting?  However, I looked and felt good.  I put on a skirt and a cute but slim fitting tank and cardigan and headed to work...and I will shamelessly say that I admired the reflection I saw in every mirror.  (and don't lie! You know you always look, too!)

This month has worked out well.  It started on the heels of a 30 day-to-fit plan my husband and I were on which, when you're already removing toxins and allergenic foods from your diet, working out lends it self naturally as the next step.  So, combined, not only did I look really good today but I never felt the need to indulge in anything I shouldn't be eating.

Recently my husband and I went for a walk, as still had 2 days of working out left.  Now I have one.  It was a gorgeous evening and the walk was extremely relaxing.  There aren't many days like this in they city over the course of the year, and if I hadn't 'had to' workout, we may have missed it and done something nonsensical like sitting on the couch watching tv.  So this little kick in the pants helped me enjoy a truly beautiful evening.  If this keeps up, I think this month will go by smoothly!

Exercise Day 8 - First Wall

It's Day 8.  I've had 1 break so far, and that was last week.  This week I get 2 breaks, and I had expected to have one of those 'break' days be Saturday because it's supposed to upwards of 95 degrees in Chicago.  So that left one other day, and I thought, maybe Friday! That way I can just chill with my husband this weekend.  Then client meetings got scheduled Wed (tonight) and Thursday evenings and suddenly I found myself debating with myself all day: What should my 'days off' be?

Part of my body was screaming at me to let today be a break.  I've worked out 4 days in a row so far, which is probably the most in-a-row workouts I've done in a really long time.  It wants a break and a good round of stretching.  Then part of me argued against that side because, "it might rain tomorrow" and, "wouldn't it be better to squeeze it in today?"

I know this is a challenge, so it wouldn't be easy or without its difficulties.  That said, I forgot the internal debates that go on in your head when you set your mind to something and part of your inner-self wants to sabotage you.  I had been great for 7 days.  Day 8: Welcome Mr. Saboteur.

So I'm going to have to figure out, after I get back from my client meeting (depending on the time), if I want to squeeze in 20 minutes or just let it be one of my days.  *sigh* These are not real problems.  They are just temporary challenges.  ...perspective.

Exercise Month - Day 5

Happy Sunday!  It is the start of a new week, and I have 5 days I need to work out.  Today my husband and I went for about a 50 minute 2.5 mile walk, so I have 4 more days of 'workouts' and 2 days of full-round stretching.  Last week was 3 days on, 1 day off, and I'm happy to announce I am moving along successfully!  I worked out Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and Friday right before I went to bed I stretched.

Can I mention that the stretching was not only suuuuuuuper needed, but it also felt wonderful.  I can't believe the stretches where I'm still really flexible (since I used to dance), and the stretches were I was like "oh.  wait.  hmmm.  that should be better...."  (because, there were a few, even though I don't want to admit it!)

However, I have noticed that a 2.5-3 mile walk no longer feels like a 'good workout'.  I'm sweaty, for sure, but it's not as intense as it used to be.  That's definitely a good thing, but it's also a reminder that I have to 'up the ante' on my workouts.  In fact, on Thursday, I even threw in a few spurts of running (and from someone cringes when other say 'I went running' this is impressive!).

With 25 more days, I have to remember to take it one at a time and plan out my week, so that I have enough time / days to get in a full workout.  Stay tuned!  And if you're joining in, enjoy your workouts!

Tomorrow We Begin

It's official.  Tomorrow is June 1 and I start my 30 Days Better challenge.  June is "workout" month which means that 5 days a week I have to work out for at least 20 min and the 2 days I don't work out I have to stretch for 20 minutes (full dance cycle stretching I used to do in all my dance classes)...it may be more like 10 min, but it's still a full cycle.

I've been reflecting today.  It's amazing how much the little Devil of doubt creeps into your brain before you begin something.  If this had only been half of a thought, I bet he would have sat there saying things only half-heartedly, knowing I wasn't really committed. Now, all day, he stood up shouting "Why are you doing this?" "You know you give up on everything eventually" "You work out already. Why do you need a 'plan' to do that?"  "12 months?  Really?  You're going to do this for 12 months?..." and so on and so on.  It was exhausting actually.  And you know the even stranger part?  It didn't sound like my voice I was combatting.  It was a full on different person.  If you have read Outwitting the Devil you may know what I'm talking about.

I get the voice a lot when it comes to my business and working to convince myself of the things I have to do to make it work.  Part of that is because it requires me to seek out clients.  However, because this project is mainly 'just me' and I can do it whenever and without the need or reliance of anyone else, I half assumed the voice wouldn't make his presence known.

*sigh*  Not quite.  He was very much present.  In fact, the fact that he showed up without fail and almost 'on the clock' actually made me laugh.  It's amazing how what you learn from one area of your life can prepare you for another.

But seriously, tomorrow we're really starting, and I'm only kind of, sort of, ok maybe a little more than 'a little' nervous.  Twelve months requires stamina.  So here's to taking one foot over the starting line.  "Workout" here we come.

I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Decisions Decisions

Approaching 31, things are starting to click.  All the hard work I put in in my 20s is paying off, and I find that, for the most part, I'm more or less where I wanted and hoped to be when I turned 30.  The "more" is the pride I have more my accomplishments: money saved, retirement started, house mortgages, married, have dog, travel often, live in a city.  The "less" is that I still want to work from my cell phone and not be tied to a geographical or time-based job.  I also want to be debt-free completely. Those two things are still in the pipeline.

However, it got me thinking, "where do I want to be when I'm 40?"  Most people my age start having kids and will begin measuring their lives by the grades of their children and the number of after school activities they have to run.  They will begin to forget that they had dreams or start to think that 'they can wait until later', at which point, it would seem to me, is when we start discussing mid-life crises come 45 and 50.  Since I don't want to be one of those people, I have to re-evaluate.  What do I want to accomplish and have by the time I'm 40?

And you know what?  I have no idea.  I know I want to keep up the discipline I learned in my 20s and build my nest eggs even more.  I know I want to still find a way to live a life where I work completely from my cell phone.  And I know I want to travel.  Otherwise, I have been so busy working 2-3-4 jobs at any given time just to stay ahead of my bills that I don't actually know what it is I like to do.  At least, not really.  I never had much down time, so when I did I would binge watch shows I liked like Project Runway or House of Cards, finally read a book or see a movie, or spend time with my husband and dog and go for a walk.  Sadly, I don't know much about what else I really enjoy, or what brings me peace and serenity, what helps me focus, if I'm really 'good' at anything else because, quite frankly, I didn't make them a priority or make time for them.

So here's the plan: spend 12 months doing something new every month to test out my likes, my grit, and general 'how to I build a better me'?  When's this all starting?  June 1st.  Stay tuned, 12 months of '30 days better' is about to begin.

Kate Hoyer

I have been a fan of Kate Hoyer since I saw her display of dog paintings in Wicker Park, IL at the J3 art gallery.  I decided I just had to have one of her paintings someday!

Someday arrived!!!  We worked with Kate to do a painting of our wonderful corgi, Ein.  She does gorgeous work, and I couldn't be happier.  If you are thinking of having a commissioned painting done, or purchasing one of her existing paintings or prints, I highly recommend it.  They're beautiful. Our lovely Ein is 20"x20" and a perfect fit for the wall space we have waiting for him to hang!

Here is a sampling of some of the progress from start to finish!  Thank you, Kate Hoyer, for the lovely painting of our fluffy baby!

Post-Bulimia Body Realities

I've had this incredibly long love-hate relationship with my body since, like, well, forever ago.  OK, I know 'forever ago' is a farce, because when I really think about it, I could probably put a time-stamp on it.  And if we are going to put a time-stamp on it, we'd probably be looking at the 4th-5th grade.  

How old are you when you're in 4th or 5th grade?  Like 9?  Great.  Let's go with that.  I started noticing my body around the age of 9, and I was learning to not be proud of it.  First it was noticing I wasn't wearing the right clothes like everyone else, then it was noticing the hair on my legs and that I wasn't as pretty, and then it was full-blown noticing my size and that I was a size 10-12 by the age of, well, 10-12.  And it was the latter on which I fixated for so long that I sadly allowed it to take over and rule the next decade of my life.  From the age of 15-24 I was bulimic.  While I was not consistently bulimic the entirety of the 10 years, nor existed with the save severity over those same 10 years, for 10 years bulimia ruled my life, my perception of food, my relationship with food, and my relationship with myself.

As of today, that is no longer the case.  It's going on 7 years now that I've been healthy, happy, and whole. 

I have to smile and chuckle under my breath.  It's a great feeling to say those things.  Actually, it's a great thing to just think those things and not have berating comments of hate rush through my brain as the immediate afterthoughts.  And it took a lot of work to get here, but I wouldn't trade the effort or results for anything, because being on this side of healthy is worth it.

However, this is a cautionary tale.  While I have spent the last 7 years healthy and recovered, my body has worked hard to heal and has experienced repercussions.  Now granted, I probably would not have cared fully about the repercussions as a 15-year-old, thinking, "I'll be different" (like everyone does), but it would have been nice to be aware.  So, if you're reading this because you're recovering, because you're thinking of doing something spiteful to your body like not eating or throwing everything up (I'm not belittling the disease, but please know that it is just as bad as the sentiment describes), or because you know someone who suffers, then let me fill you in on some of the bright sides of recovery. Note immense sarcasm.

(1) My body fluctuates between almost normal and severely bloated on a regular basis.  I can fluctuate 3-5 pounds in a day.  There have been times I've gone to bed at 170.5 lbs and awoken to being 165.2 lbs.  Don't ask.  Not sure how that works. Even my husband will notice it.  He's not mean, he totally realizes the struggle, but he will say things like, "I don't understand your body" or "You look way thinner today.  What happened since yesterday?"  Honestly??  No idea.

(2) I realize that, as a general whole, I have no idea what foods trigger what responses in my body. While I've learned to stay completely away from things like fat-free and sugar-free foods (a) because they're SO incredibly and unnaturally horrible for your body, (b) because they give me horrid migraines, and (c) because they provide absolutely zero nutritional value to my body, I've also learned that most foods react oddly irregularly with my body.  Most people do well with things like avocado or onion or apples or granola or honey or...you get the point.  Yet I can be fine eating a food in one scenario and then have extreme cramps or extreme bloat upon completing it in a completely different tasty dish.  Lesson learned?  I have no idea what to eat.  Bland seems to work best. Sometimes.  Maybe.  Ok, actually I just have no idea.

(3) Working out regularly is the only way to combat any of the above.  Now, because of my natural and historic tendency to binge and purge, I avoid exercising in extreme fashions including: on a rigidly scheduled basis or to the point where I'm exhausted or extremely tired/sore/sweaty/dead at the end of a workout, etc.  Moderate workouts of 20-30 mins preferably with a bit of weight lifting and a lot of stretching are my go-to.  It keeps me sane and prohibits me from freaking out that "omg I ate too much here" or "omg I have to workout for 80 hours in 2 weeks to fit into that dress".  No. I maintain some 'normalcy' but my moderate and fairly regular routing having existed as a size 12 successfully since I was 20 years old.  HOWEVER...I have had times where I have worked out regularly for weeks, and I stop for a month or so and voila!  1.5 months into not working out and I look and feel amazing!  WHAT IS THAT?!

(4) I avoid people who discuss food, diets, fads, losing weight, clothes, body image, body shaming, weight-loss programs, or anything relating to any of the above categories like the plague.  There is nothing more to add to this other than it takes me out of 90% of conversations women have.  Otherwise, it's a life-saver.

(5) I have a constant mind-game/struggle/competition with myself on days when I do feel extremely bloated and really can't figure out why because it looked like every other day including the ones where I didn't feel bloated to not freak the F************* out.  Then I thank God for leggings and sweatpants and immediately curse the fact that I can't wear sweatpants to work.  Then I follow that with being thankful that I still fit into my pants from 8 years ago and realize I really shouldn't be complaining and I'm probably doing something right.  And then I promise myself I'll just eat salad the following day.  *sigh*

And then I remember that I'm 7 years healthy, that my clothes still fit, and that, while some days I look like it's the day before my period and other days I look like I lost 10 pounds magically, I have spent the better part of the last 10 years within 5 pounds up or down around the same weight.  And then I force myself to smile and realize that that is something to be proud of and not to get overwhelmed because I don't have to take the next 10 years of my life in one step, I just have to focus on the next 30-60 minutes.  

"B" Rings the Doorbell

Last night I had the hugest craving for ice cream.  Ok, that's a lie.  I've actually had a craving for ice cream for the last, oh, 3-4 days.  I've been fighting it off like a good little warrior knowing full well that ice cream has always been a B-trigger.  Since I've been B-free for 6 years now (WOOT! Party!!!), ice cream indulgence really requires a deep, long, drawn-out desire.  Otherwise I stay far, far, far away.

After 3-4 days of cravings, I decided this wasn't a whimsical desire and that if I didn't satiate it I would just continue to eat all the other things in my house instead.  So, last night my husband and I ordered (yes, we can order by the pint where we live) ice cream from a local creamery.

It was delicious!!  It was everything I had wanted and more - creamy, chocolate-y, with peanut butter cups, and it just melted like butter on my tongue.  Oh my gosh, I was in heaven.  15 minutes of pure, ice-cream heaven.

And then 10 minutes after the ice-cream delight finished, I had a panicked nagging flow over me.  Suddenly I could feel B inching closer and closer, thrilled that I had finally given into the ice-cream.  I sat beside my husband watching a movie and worked tirelessly to ignore the ringing doorbell inside my head as B buzzed away incessantly.

I grabbed some lemon water, curled up in a blanket, and just kept reminding myself it's "OK".  It was just ONE bowl of ice cream.  I will not be 5000 pounds when I wake up in the morning, and that a 3-4 day craving was sufficient to indulge in the 1.5 cups of yumminess.  I was OK and there was nothing wrong with me.  B could just suck it.

That didn't stop him from ringing the doorbell.  And despite six years of practice I still feel the nerves well up every time he feels the sly-mouthed desire to ring the bell inside my head.  However, six years of practice does help in knowing how to overpower him and talk myself into a place of power, control, and calm.

So, I'm happy to announce B just left once he realized I wasn't answering the door, and I have a beautiful memory of a happy night of delicious and much needed ice cream.

Champagne Life

For New Year's my husband and I treated ourselves to two bottles of champagne.  Once we hit 30 we stopped having time or patience for low-grade, cheap wines.  We graduated from the $6 and under bottles to something at a minimum of $9, usually to $18, $20-30 if we felt like splurging or were taking a bottle to visit friends.  The same is true for champagne.  However, champagne, from what I've heard, doesn't keep as well once opened, and I can't drink that much in one day, so we only buy it for truly special occasions.

Yet, it is my favorite drink.  Something about the bubbles and the crisp taste is magical.  I love it.  Drinking it makes one feel so special and important.  Maybe that has to do with the history and hype, maybe it has to do with the bubbles.  Regardless, it's my favorite.

That said, I also suffer terribly from migraines.  I know I cannot drink Chardonnay, and yet most champagnes are made made either completely or mostly from chardonnay grapes.  To combat that and allow myself to enjoy the drink sans migraine, I took to the internet for a little bit of research.

What I discovered is that Blanc de Noirs are going to be my new best friend.  Blanc de Noir refers to a champagne made almost if not entirely from the Pinot Noir grape - a grape I can definitely and safely drink!  So after a bit more research I decided that we were going to try out the Great Blanc de Noir and the Schramsberg Blanc de Noir (even though the Schramsberg had a twinge of Chardonnay in it).

The verdict? A-MAZING!!!!  The Gruet is definitely a little sweeter and the Schramsberg has the crisp finish and perfect coloring you come to expect in a fine champagne.  While neither are officially "Champagnes", because they don't come from Champagne, France, the sparkling wine version just means a lower price tag/better value.  For under $50 for each, these wines are a treat in and of themselves.

Cheers, to a great 2016 and a great champagne life!

Grange Hall Burger Bar

It's official.  I'm back to eating meat after being vegan for 2.5 years.  It's been a tough transition and one that was actually brought on by a diet restriction change.  I've been transitioning slowly to allow my body to adjust, and it's now been about four months.  I still don't eat meat often, and almost never at home.  Usually if I eat it it is because I order it at a restaurant while determining my best options.  And usually my options stick to fish or bacon (I can't help it! Bacon is so yummy!)

So, when friends came in to town and my husband and I wanted to take them somewhere everyone would enjoy, we decided on Grange Hall Burger Bar on Randolph in Chicago.  It has vegan burgers, gluten-free buns, and is renowned for its burgers.  Holy man, what amazing burgers they are!

If you haven't yet been, I highly recommend it.  Be mindful it is tiny inside and you will definitely want to make a reservation. That said - the food is spectacular.  I had the Thankful burger with a regular burger patty.  My husband had the vegan burger, and another friend had the berries and brie burger.  Everyone was silent while we ate!  It was that good!  Plus, their drink menu is spectacular.  All in all, 9/10.  Delish! And the perfect way to celebrate my first burger in over 3 years!

Remembering

Right around this time of year I miss my mother more than most other times.  This year has been slightly tougher.  Turning 30 was hard, and not having her around made it a bit more bitter and confusing.  However, around the holidays my heart yearns for her a little more.

The positive side?  Even though she isn't around anymore, there are so many things that remind me of her it's like she's still here.  I see or hear her in her favorite Christmas songs, in the Christmas movies we used to watch together, or in baking her favorite cookies.  I find myself suddenly smiling in loving memory at the sound of a tune or the mention of one of her favorite anythings.  It's like feeling her come down for a brief moment and wrapping her arms around me.

And that is priceless.

Rethinking Priorities

Unfortunately, this season has already been peppered with the sting of loss.  One of my husband and my good friend's mom passed away two weeks ago.  Aside from the fact that it was terribly difficult watching them go through that and that it brought back for me the personal sting of losing my mom eight years ago, it turned out that this was one of many incidents recently - and that is just between my co-workers and me.  Since mid-November, my co-workers and I have had four funerals to attend. The news of such consistent loss across a very tiny cross-section of humanity struck a different chord than the one struck when someone every now and again says they lost someone.

Please don't misunderstand.  I'm not negating the power of loss or the extreme upset any loss creates for a family.  What I am stressing is that the quickness with which the numerous losses hit our tiny little group made me take a hard look at the reality of where my husband and I are.

We have a few goals:  pay off the car, pay off my student loans, and I want to take him to Europe using our points for free airfare.  In the longer term we'd like to move, maybe even customize our next place to really be what we want, and travel to a few places that have peaked our interest.  I'd also like to donate to the Chicago Canine Rescue and build them a new facility - something they desperately need.  With all that in mind, we keep debating how to best utilize our money - how much to save, how much to put towards loans, how much to put aside for our use, how much to use for donations, etc.  Lately, we've been so focused on paying off our bills we have forgone a lot of 'things' - date nights, activities, etc - in favor of allocating funds better.

With the loss of these people and the quickness with which they passed, something inside me shook.  I suddenly wondered what the rush was - why are we starving ourselves of enjoying life just to pay down a few bills a few months sooner?  I thought back on the last 2 years, the last 5 years, looking at what warmed my heart, and you know what it was?  Activities.  Travels.  Dinners and movie nights with my husband and friends.  Those are what I remember.  I don't remember the total of my bills for the month. I don't remember the intensity of the stress.  I remember the people and the activity.

So, with that, we rethought.  We aren't forgoing saving.  We aren't forgoing donations.  We aren't even forgoing paying our bills.  What we have decided, though, is that starving ourselves of life's rich moments to pay something off a few weeks or months early may not be in our best interest.  We have life insurance should something devastatingly horrible happen to us, so we have each other covered.  Otherwise, in the end, it's the moments that make life so precious, not the $$ spent.