Kate Hoyer

I have been a fan of Kate Hoyer since I saw her display of dog paintings in Wicker Park, IL at the J3 art gallery.  I decided I just had to have one of her paintings someday!

Someday arrived!!!  We worked with Kate to do a painting of our wonderful corgi, Ein.  She does gorgeous work, and I couldn't be happier.  If you are thinking of having a commissioned painting done, or purchasing one of her existing paintings or prints, I highly recommend it.  They're beautiful. Our lovely Ein is 20"x20" and a perfect fit for the wall space we have waiting for him to hang!

Here is a sampling of some of the progress from start to finish!  Thank you, Kate Hoyer, for the lovely painting of our fluffy baby!

Post-Bulimia Body Realities

I've had this incredibly long love-hate relationship with my body since, like, well, forever ago.  OK, I know 'forever ago' is a farce, because when I really think about it, I could probably put a time-stamp on it.  And if we are going to put a time-stamp on it, we'd probably be looking at the 4th-5th grade.  

How old are you when you're in 4th or 5th grade?  Like 9?  Great.  Let's go with that.  I started noticing my body around the age of 9, and I was learning to not be proud of it.  First it was noticing I wasn't wearing the right clothes like everyone else, then it was noticing the hair on my legs and that I wasn't as pretty, and then it was full-blown noticing my size and that I was a size 10-12 by the age of, well, 10-12.  And it was the latter on which I fixated for so long that I sadly allowed it to take over and rule the next decade of my life.  From the age of 15-24 I was bulimic.  While I was not consistently bulimic the entirety of the 10 years, nor existed with the save severity over those same 10 years, for 10 years bulimia ruled my life, my perception of food, my relationship with food, and my relationship with myself.

As of today, that is no longer the case.  It's going on 7 years now that I've been healthy, happy, and whole. 

I have to smile and chuckle under my breath.  It's a great feeling to say those things.  Actually, it's a great thing to just think those things and not have berating comments of hate rush through my brain as the immediate afterthoughts.  And it took a lot of work to get here, but I wouldn't trade the effort or results for anything, because being on this side of healthy is worth it.

However, this is a cautionary tale.  While I have spent the last 7 years healthy and recovered, my body has worked hard to heal and has experienced repercussions.  Now granted, I probably would not have cared fully about the repercussions as a 15-year-old, thinking, "I'll be different" (like everyone does), but it would have been nice to be aware.  So, if you're reading this because you're recovering, because you're thinking of doing something spiteful to your body like not eating or throwing everything up (I'm not belittling the disease, but please know that it is just as bad as the sentiment describes), or because you know someone who suffers, then let me fill you in on some of the bright sides of recovery. Note immense sarcasm.

(1) My body fluctuates between almost normal and severely bloated on a regular basis.  I can fluctuate 3-5 pounds in a day.  There have been times I've gone to bed at 170.5 lbs and awoken to being 165.2 lbs.  Don't ask.  Not sure how that works. Even my husband will notice it.  He's not mean, he totally realizes the struggle, but he will say things like, "I don't understand your body" or "You look way thinner today.  What happened since yesterday?"  Honestly??  No idea.

(2) I realize that, as a general whole, I have no idea what foods trigger what responses in my body. While I've learned to stay completely away from things like fat-free and sugar-free foods (a) because they're SO incredibly and unnaturally horrible for your body, (b) because they give me horrid migraines, and (c) because they provide absolutely zero nutritional value to my body, I've also learned that most foods react oddly irregularly with my body.  Most people do well with things like avocado or onion or apples or granola or honey or...you get the point.  Yet I can be fine eating a food in one scenario and then have extreme cramps or extreme bloat upon completing it in a completely different tasty dish.  Lesson learned?  I have no idea what to eat.  Bland seems to work best. Sometimes.  Maybe.  Ok, actually I just have no idea.

(3) Working out regularly is the only way to combat any of the above.  Now, because of my natural and historic tendency to binge and purge, I avoid exercising in extreme fashions including: on a rigidly scheduled basis or to the point where I'm exhausted or extremely tired/sore/sweaty/dead at the end of a workout, etc.  Moderate workouts of 20-30 mins preferably with a bit of weight lifting and a lot of stretching are my go-to.  It keeps me sane and prohibits me from freaking out that "omg I ate too much here" or "omg I have to workout for 80 hours in 2 weeks to fit into that dress".  No. I maintain some 'normalcy' but my moderate and fairly regular routing having existed as a size 12 successfully since I was 20 years old.  HOWEVER...I have had times where I have worked out regularly for weeks, and I stop for a month or so and voila!  1.5 months into not working out and I look and feel amazing!  WHAT IS THAT?!

(4) I avoid people who discuss food, diets, fads, losing weight, clothes, body image, body shaming, weight-loss programs, or anything relating to any of the above categories like the plague.  There is nothing more to add to this other than it takes me out of 90% of conversations women have.  Otherwise, it's a life-saver.

(5) I have a constant mind-game/struggle/competition with myself on days when I do feel extremely bloated and really can't figure out why because it looked like every other day including the ones where I didn't feel bloated to not freak the F************* out.  Then I thank God for leggings and sweatpants and immediately curse the fact that I can't wear sweatpants to work.  Then I follow that with being thankful that I still fit into my pants from 8 years ago and realize I really shouldn't be complaining and I'm probably doing something right.  And then I promise myself I'll just eat salad the following day.  *sigh*

And then I remember that I'm 7 years healthy, that my clothes still fit, and that, while some days I look like it's the day before my period and other days I look like I lost 10 pounds magically, I have spent the better part of the last 10 years within 5 pounds up or down around the same weight.  And then I force myself to smile and realize that that is something to be proud of and not to get overwhelmed because I don't have to take the next 10 years of my life in one step, I just have to focus on the next 30-60 minutes.  

"B" Rings the Doorbell

Last night I had the hugest craving for ice cream.  Ok, that's a lie.  I've actually had a craving for ice cream for the last, oh, 3-4 days.  I've been fighting it off like a good little warrior knowing full well that ice cream has always been a B-trigger.  Since I've been B-free for 6 years now (WOOT! Party!!!), ice cream indulgence really requires a deep, long, drawn-out desire.  Otherwise I stay far, far, far away.

After 3-4 days of cravings, I decided this wasn't a whimsical desire and that if I didn't satiate it I would just continue to eat all the other things in my house instead.  So, last night my husband and I ordered (yes, we can order by the pint where we live) ice cream from a local creamery.

It was delicious!!  It was everything I had wanted and more - creamy, chocolate-y, with peanut butter cups, and it just melted like butter on my tongue.  Oh my gosh, I was in heaven.  15 minutes of pure, ice-cream heaven.

And then 10 minutes after the ice-cream delight finished, I had a panicked nagging flow over me.  Suddenly I could feel B inching closer and closer, thrilled that I had finally given into the ice-cream.  I sat beside my husband watching a movie and worked tirelessly to ignore the ringing doorbell inside my head as B buzzed away incessantly.

I grabbed some lemon water, curled up in a blanket, and just kept reminding myself it's "OK".  It was just ONE bowl of ice cream.  I will not be 5000 pounds when I wake up in the morning, and that a 3-4 day craving was sufficient to indulge in the 1.5 cups of yumminess.  I was OK and there was nothing wrong with me.  B could just suck it.

That didn't stop him from ringing the doorbell.  And despite six years of practice I still feel the nerves well up every time he feels the sly-mouthed desire to ring the bell inside my head.  However, six years of practice does help in knowing how to overpower him and talk myself into a place of power, control, and calm.

So, I'm happy to announce B just left once he realized I wasn't answering the door, and I have a beautiful memory of a happy night of delicious and much needed ice cream.

Champagne Life

For New Year's my husband and I treated ourselves to two bottles of champagne.  Once we hit 30 we stopped having time or patience for low-grade, cheap wines.  We graduated from the $6 and under bottles to something at a minimum of $9, usually to $18, $20-30 if we felt like splurging or were taking a bottle to visit friends.  The same is true for champagne.  However, champagne, from what I've heard, doesn't keep as well once opened, and I can't drink that much in one day, so we only buy it for truly special occasions.

Yet, it is my favorite drink.  Something about the bubbles and the crisp taste is magical.  I love it.  Drinking it makes one feel so special and important.  Maybe that has to do with the history and hype, maybe it has to do with the bubbles.  Regardless, it's my favorite.

That said, I also suffer terribly from migraines.  I know I cannot drink Chardonnay, and yet most champagnes are made made either completely or mostly from chardonnay grapes.  To combat that and allow myself to enjoy the drink sans migraine, I took to the internet for a little bit of research.

What I discovered is that Blanc de Noirs are going to be my new best friend.  Blanc de Noir refers to a champagne made almost if not entirely from the Pinot Noir grape - a grape I can definitely and safely drink!  So after a bit more research I decided that we were going to try out the Great Blanc de Noir and the Schramsberg Blanc de Noir (even though the Schramsberg had a twinge of Chardonnay in it).

The verdict? A-MAZING!!!!  The Gruet is definitely a little sweeter and the Schramsberg has the crisp finish and perfect coloring you come to expect in a fine champagne.  While neither are officially "Champagnes", because they don't come from Champagne, France, the sparkling wine version just means a lower price tag/better value.  For under $50 for each, these wines are a treat in and of themselves.

Cheers, to a great 2016 and a great champagne life!

Grange Hall Burger Bar

It's official.  I'm back to eating meat after being vegan for 2.5 years.  It's been a tough transition and one that was actually brought on by a diet restriction change.  I've been transitioning slowly to allow my body to adjust, and it's now been about four months.  I still don't eat meat often, and almost never at home.  Usually if I eat it it is because I order it at a restaurant while determining my best options.  And usually my options stick to fish or bacon (I can't help it! Bacon is so yummy!)

So, when friends came in to town and my husband and I wanted to take them somewhere everyone would enjoy, we decided on Grange Hall Burger Bar on Randolph in Chicago.  It has vegan burgers, gluten-free buns, and is renowned for its burgers.  Holy man, what amazing burgers they are!

If you haven't yet been, I highly recommend it.  Be mindful it is tiny inside and you will definitely want to make a reservation. That said - the food is spectacular.  I had the Thankful burger with a regular burger patty.  My husband had the vegan burger, and another friend had the berries and brie burger.  Everyone was silent while we ate!  It was that good!  Plus, their drink menu is spectacular.  All in all, 9/10.  Delish! And the perfect way to celebrate my first burger in over 3 years!

Remembering

Right around this time of year I miss my mother more than most other times.  This year has been slightly tougher.  Turning 30 was hard, and not having her around made it a bit more bitter and confusing.  However, around the holidays my heart yearns for her a little more.

The positive side?  Even though she isn't around anymore, there are so many things that remind me of her it's like she's still here.  I see or hear her in her favorite Christmas songs, in the Christmas movies we used to watch together, or in baking her favorite cookies.  I find myself suddenly smiling in loving memory at the sound of a tune or the mention of one of her favorite anythings.  It's like feeling her come down for a brief moment and wrapping her arms around me.

And that is priceless.

Rethinking Priorities

Unfortunately, this season has already been peppered with the sting of loss.  One of my husband and my good friend's mom passed away two weeks ago.  Aside from the fact that it was terribly difficult watching them go through that and that it brought back for me the personal sting of losing my mom eight years ago, it turned out that this was one of many incidents recently - and that is just between my co-workers and me.  Since mid-November, my co-workers and I have had four funerals to attend. The news of such consistent loss across a very tiny cross-section of humanity struck a different chord than the one struck when someone every now and again says they lost someone.

Please don't misunderstand.  I'm not negating the power of loss or the extreme upset any loss creates for a family.  What I am stressing is that the quickness with which the numerous losses hit our tiny little group made me take a hard look at the reality of where my husband and I are.

We have a few goals:  pay off the car, pay off my student loans, and I want to take him to Europe using our points for free airfare.  In the longer term we'd like to move, maybe even customize our next place to really be what we want, and travel to a few places that have peaked our interest.  I'd also like to donate to the Chicago Canine Rescue and build them a new facility - something they desperately need.  With all that in mind, we keep debating how to best utilize our money - how much to save, how much to put towards loans, how much to put aside for our use, how much to use for donations, etc.  Lately, we've been so focused on paying off our bills we have forgone a lot of 'things' - date nights, activities, etc - in favor of allocating funds better.

With the loss of these people and the quickness with which they passed, something inside me shook.  I suddenly wondered what the rush was - why are we starving ourselves of enjoying life just to pay down a few bills a few months sooner?  I thought back on the last 2 years, the last 5 years, looking at what warmed my heart, and you know what it was?  Activities.  Travels.  Dinners and movie nights with my husband and friends.  Those are what I remember.  I don't remember the total of my bills for the month. I don't remember the intensity of the stress.  I remember the people and the activity.

So, with that, we rethought.  We aren't forgoing saving.  We aren't forgoing donations.  We aren't even forgoing paying our bills.  What we have decided, though, is that starving ourselves of life's rich moments to pay something off a few weeks or months early may not be in our best interest.  We have life insurance should something devastatingly horrible happen to us, so we have each other covered.  Otherwise, in the end, it's the moments that make life so precious, not the $$ spent.

Regret-ing Forward

I'm not one for regrets.  I'm not crazy or wild, but I've always worked to live by the belief that there shouldn't be moments that I would regret, and if I come to a juncture where a decision to act might be scary I ask myself, "Would I regret not____?"  If the answer to that question is 'yes', I usually just do it.

However, and while I don't have many, there are still a few things I might have done over.  Now, I also run on the belief that if you listen to your inner compass and put forth the effort, what is meant to be will be.  For example, I never went skydiving and I think it would be amazing to go.  That said, I tried 3 times in college to go, and each time I signed up, the day of the jump the event was cancelled due to weather.  Over 3 years I tried to go 3 different times, and with every one being turned down, I have since understood that that was God's way of saying I am not supposed to jump out of a plane.  Fine. I'm sad to have never gone, but that is a scenario where I repeatedly put forth the effort but it was not a card I was ultimately to play.

There are a few others, a few items and events I would have liked to have done differently, a few things I would have liked to have told people but didn't and now I wish I had.  Ultimately, I can probably count all those times on 1 hand which, in the grand scheme of things, is quite remarkable.  I highly recommend you live your life that way so you can't say 'if only I'd...." and rattle off countless items.  However, with Adele's new song, "Hello," on the radio (which, by the way I love!...be still my thoughtful and wallowing heart), I am reminded of those less-than-handful of things I didn't try hard enough on.  And to my younger self, I say, "I'm sorry".  I'm sorry I didn't stay in Spain longer when I had the chance; I'm sorry I didn't get believe you were beautiful enough at a young enough age to keep you healthy through your teen years; I'm sorry I didn't make the effort to learn a new language when I had the perfect chance in school.

In the words of my book, Living With B, "Hindsight is a gift, not a given."  So here's to hoping my now 20/20 vision keeps my heart adventurous and my nerve yearning to "do" so I can continue to keep my regrets to only one hand.

Remembering Your Time and How To Spend It

Today at work I spoke with my team about what we would discuss in the next week's meeting:  Scheduling and Prioritizing.

Maybe that sounds like a something you need to discuss.  Maybe you're rolling your eyes because you feel like it's all anyone every discusses.  Regardless, it's amazing how many people think they know how to manage their time and yet never seem to "get anything done".

I pull my information from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  If you haven't read it I highly recommend you do.  Not only is it fascinating but it's a great book that can be applied to every area of your life.  And what I also really liked about it was that it wasn't just saying "Be Positive" and "Think Happy Things" and your life will be better.  It actually took you down to the core factors and gave you a chance to think about them.

But I digress.  Really, the purpose of mentioning the book is that this is from where my information is retrieved.  It's about the different quadrants and how to understand the importance of differentiating between Urgent matters -vs Non-Urgent ones, and Important -vs- Unimportant matters.  If you can Imagine 4 boxes:

(1) IMPORTANT / URGENT             (2) UNIMPORTANT/URGENT
(3) IMPORTANT/ NOT URGENT     (4) UNIMPORTANT/NOT URGENT

These are basically the four areas that everything falls into.  Quadrant one is like your serious events - natural disasters, severe illness, deadlines that can't be moved, etc.  And while they are important, most activities do not fall into this category.  However, the trip up here is that most people actually believe the activities they're doing do fall into that category.

What are these 'other' activities that people deem important and/or urgent but aren't?  Emails, phone calls, impromptu interruptions.  These are items that fall in quadrant 3 and 4 and request your attention, demand that you be at their beck and call, but ultimately don't do much for you and the direction of your life.  These are items that, if you allow them to rule your day, your life, etc, you will discover that you are just 'participating' in your life and not really 'living' and 'directing' your life.  Often, you'll know if you've done these activities if you go "how did it get to be _________ already" but you haven't felt like you accomplished anything.  ....and it's the 'but' part of that sentence that's important.  Time takes life away from all of us, but if you're finding you say the second part of that sentence often, it's probably time to re-evaluate how you're spending your days.

So what's a (2) activity?  These are goals, ambitions, dreams, and things that require planning, preparation, effort, and focus.  These are not items that will just happen without a conscious effort on your part to make them so.  Think of planning and saving for a vacation, learning a language, scheduling your day and then sticking to it, saying 'no' to things so that you can say 'yes' to the bigger ones....playing an instrument, taking art or dance classes, building a business, paying off debt, .... and the list goes on.

Ultimately, it's about what you deem belongs in that quadrant 2 area that should ultimately drive you life, your months, your days, and even your hours.  Everyone has quadrant 3 and 4 activities.  We can't fully break away from them.  However, it's all about learning how to manage them, direct them, and force them into the time slots you allow them that will help you feel and gain back control to ultimately live your life.

Refocus

And on these days we remember that the smallest steps make up the greatest journey, and that if it isn't challenging, it isn't worth the reward and satisfaction in the end.

Pumpkin Pancetta Risotto

It's officially fall in Chicago, and that means it's time to switch up your food choices to seasonal ones.  That includes, of course, everything pumpkin!  So far I've made pumpkin pie, pumpkin pancakes, and today it was Pumpkin Risotto!

I'm not really one for official recipes, so this is measure-less pumpkin pancetta risotto:

2 cups Arborio rice
Water with about 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
2 Chick'n (vegan chicken) broth cubes
Pancetta (or bacon) cut in small pieces
Carrots (I used 1 1/2 carrots and just shaved the pieces into the rice, but you could chop them)
3/4 can pumpkin
Fresh Sage
Pepper
Salt
Nutmeg
Cinnamon
Parmesan (option, but be sure it's the real cheese and not pre-shredded.  It's yummier that way)

Basically, if you've never made risotto before, be sure you have a large enough skillet or a large pan because you'll need to held the rice and ALL the water you'll need.  It will also take about 30-60 minutes, so be sure you have the time!

At the same time you're sautéing your rice, pancetta, pumpkin and veggies, start the water on a boiler to bring it almost to a boil.  You want to be sure you add HOT water to your risotto to allow it to cook properly.

Once the pancetta's more or less cooked, start adding water about 1 cup at a time.  The pancetta will finish cooking if it's not done when you add the water.  I also add the milk right way with the first cut of water.  Stir every few minutes, moving the rice around to soak up all the water but also giving it time to actually soak up the water.  As the water is about 3/4 absorbed by the rice, add another cup of water.  Continue to do this until you have well-cooked risotto.  You will probably add double or triple the water as you had rice, so be sure you keep enough warm water in the pot so you don't run out!

Then, when it's done, turn off the burner and let it sit about 10 min to pick up all the flavors.  Serve in a bowl and enjoy!  Top is freshly shredded parmesan cheese if you have some (the real kind!).  Happy Holiday Eating!

The Power of Marketing

I recently read in Success Magazine that FUBU went under three times before it became a million dollar company.  Many would falter and give up after one failure, but not FUBU.  It continued to grind its way into the ground three times before it refocused and became the powerhouse fashion company it is today.

How?  By utilizing clever marketing.  We've heard this a lot lately, discussion about not only branding your company but branding yourself as well. After all, thanks to Paris Hilton and the Kardashians, the idea of you as a brand has become a normal in today's society.  Maybe it always was a 'thing,' but thanks to these mega-stars, personal branding is a mainstream thought.

If that's the case, that means you are consistently feeding your brand, and you're either doing so positively or negatively, whether you're actively intending to do so or not.  So some things to consider:

*What do you post on social media?  Is it positive?  Negative?  Aggressive?  Thoughtful?  Service-minded?

*How do you 'show up'?  Do you arrive at events, friend's houses, even just at the locations where you run errands put-together and prepared or looking haggard and disheveled?  Maybe it's not intentional, but everything you do reflects on how you are wanting the world to view you.

Recently, in fact, I went shopping - not because I had excess amounts of money to spend, but because I put on my college hoodie one day and thought, "You know?  I'm 30.  I don't need to be wearing any more oversized college hoodies anymore.  Time to update."  I've been on a mission to find a non-pocketed hoodie with a high neck but not necessarily a hood.  I found it at Ann Taylor Loft in the Lou Grey section.  They're AMAZING! (and they were 40% off the other weekend).  So I practically got a BOGO deal .... almost.  Either way, I knew that this upgrade to my wardrobe would reflect my more sophisticated and growing style as I evolved into my thirties.  That's how I want to show myself to the world, so that was a strategic move I made.

What's yours?

Cross Country Moves - Things to Keep in Mind

A friend of mine is moving out of the country.  While my friend and his wife are really excited, they are doing a trial period (like 4-6 months) to see if it's really what they are looking for and expecting.  That said, even with the thought that they may choose to return in the long term, there were a lot of things to consider during the process.  (It's also similar if you 'winter' in a different state from where your more permanent residence is.  Some of the same considerations apply!)

(1) Where are you going to bank?
While the comforts of the internet have allowed for conveniences not previously known to us as a species, there are still some vital points to remember.  Yes, you can pay most of your bills online, but what do you need to do for short-term cash needs?  The best thing to look into is joining a bank that has international branches or partners in the area you are going to be.  For example, Bank of America or Chase may partner with banks in your country of choice.  This means that, while you won't be walking into a Chase or BoA bank in your new home country, there may be a bank there that still affords you the same privileges: deposits, ATM withdrawals without fees, and investing options.  While it may not seem like a huge deal, there will be that clutch time when you need access to your money and you either can't or don't want to pay the fee or wait the required timespan to obtain what you need.  These partnerships are vital.  Do your research, and know what your options are.

(2) What about your mail?
Unlike banking, mail is still very physical.  The internet hasn't put the monopoly on this one yet.  That means you probably should check the forwarding restrictions on your new location.  If you're within the same country, you may be able to forward your mail for a short period of time without much difficulty, or at least put it in a PO Box until you return.  If you are traveling across boarders for a substantial period of time this may prove more challenging.  First, understand the kind of mail you get.  If they're bills and things, transfer them to online payments.  If they're investments, ensure you can manage them from online as well.  If you have regularly shipped packages or prescriptions, see if your new host country or location can fill them or if you would even be allowed to ship them internationally.  If so, forwarding to a trusted friend or family member may be a great option.  They can collect your mail and send you a large package at regular 2-4 week intervals or every 1-2 months, depending on what you need and how much is sent to you.  However, check the stipulations of what would be included in that package!

(3) Any belongings you leave behind need a home.
If you're only going for a short time and returning to your same home, most of your belongings can probably stay in-house as long as you appoint someone to come in regularly, make sure everything is running properly, and just generally check on your property.  If you have a car that 'lives' outside, though, maybe you want to leave it with a friend while you are gone or rent a large enough storage unit to ensure it's stored safely.  The last thing you want is to come home to disarray that could have been avoided with a little forethought.

(4) Phone plans.
If you're staying in-country, this probably isn't such a big deal.  If you are traveling abroad but you want to try to keep your number, you may have to go to your phone provider and understand their international plans.  Some phone companies now allow for unlimited texting to certain countries.  Some allow for unlimited texting regardless of country.  Some allow for add-ons such as X-minutes of calling from or to certain countries.  Others charge heavy fees and you may find options like Skype, Viber, Zoom, etc, are more to your auditory needs, especially if it's only for a limited amount of time and if you still have texting enabled.  Yes, you may have to plan your phone calls more carefully, but everyday issues can be handled by text making the voice requirement less of an issue.  But either way - check! The last thing you want is an exaggerated phone bill to show up when you log-in online to your account and had no idea it would be there!

Otherwise - have fun!  Check food/dietary restrictions/language barriers and customs as hopefully you would even if you were traveling for only a short period of time.  Insurance is also really important, but I know and understand that in a very very very limited capacity.  Enjoy the world, enjoy your time away, and just enjoy all the beauty and perks life has to offer you.

...and now you can enjoy them with even more convenience and peace of mind.

Quick Thai Peanut Sauce

If you ever find yourself in a place like I am tonight, here's a quick Thai Peanut Sauce recipe you can enjoy:

Peanut Butter
Coconut Oil
Sesame Oil
Ginger
Red Pepper Flakes
Lime Juice
Pepper & Salt
Basil

Fry it in a pan with your veggies.  Add a little water if you're Peanut Butter doesn't liquidate to the consistency you want with the oil and water that comes from the veggies.  When your noodles are done, mix with the sauce in the pan and voila!  Thai Peanut dinner!

That Awkward Disconnect

Last night my husband and I had dinner with two of our friends (we went to Umai in Chicago, which was absolutely delicious!) and we had an absolutely wonderful time.  They're great friends - you know, the kind who brighten your day, make you laugh, connect with you completely, and make you feel valued, important, and like they are as committed to the mutual friendship as you are.  That's exactly how they are.  We actually spent three hours there and were one of the last three tables there - we basically got 'kicked out' so they could close!  We just couldn't stop talking; we were having so much fun.  So my husband and I left that night with our 'cups' filled, happily tired from the friend exchange.

Tonight we went to a going away party.  And tonight was different.  While we get along with most of the people who were at this event, there was a disconnect.  Instead of easy conversation, the kind that also is filled with depth and questions that push  you to learn and grow through the conversation to continue to enjoy it and move it forward, these were fluff conversations, the kinds that stay on such basic and generally superficial topics that they could be had between any two people anywhere.  We spoke of family vacations, relationships with relatives you don't see often, the food, the weather, jobs, and so on and so on.  It's not that they weren't pleasant - and if you'd been a fly on the wall it probably seemed like we were all having a good time - but these were the other kinds of conversations: slightly forced, and when the silence arrived it hovered awkwardly as people tried to think of what to bring up next.  That was how tonight went.

And so my husband and I left, and I noted that I still felt "empty", unfulfilled, and tired in a different way - not the one where you've exhausted your energy because there was so much to say and you just felt you were always catching your breath to say it all, but the kind where you've exhausted your energy putting on the face that gets you through the night seeming like you fully enjoyed yourself.

It's amazing how different crowds, even if they're both inclusive of people you find it rather easy to be around and genuinely part of your friend/family/non-work circle, can fill your emotional 'cups' differently.  And sometimes it's of no fault to the other party, but the 'cups' you require to be filled to feel like the night was a full and well-rounded success on every level change as your life changes, and what works sometimes doesn't work other times.

So here's to your success in filling your cups with the best kind of enjoyment, without the awkward silences!